A few days before this interview took place, I was complaining to a friend about my current financial situation as students so often do. But instead of joining in, as students so often do, she turned to me and instead said “You could always be a sugar baby. Worked for me”. I had questions. Questions that she has agreed to answer and let the good people of Acadia read.
SD= Sugar Daddy
Sugar Bowl=Sugaring lifestyle
STA=short term arrangement
I know you’re a little nervous about this interview. Just know that it is completely anonymous, and you are under no obligation to answer anything you feel uncomfortable with. First, tell me why you felt compelled to do this interview with me.
I mean, when I shared with you that I’m sugar baby I did it because I know you’re a very accepting person. So, for one, I feel comfortable with you. But I also thought it would be a good way to clear up some stereotypes of what a sugar baby is and what they do. I’m not like ashamed of it.
Thank-you! Yeah, no judgements on my end. So why do the interview anonymously then if you’re unashamed? I know that sounds like I’m attacking your motives, but I’m definitely not. Just want to get the entire picture.
Oh, for sure, no worries. Honestly, I just don’t want my professors or employer to find out. I can take criticism from peers, but when stuff like this starts becoming an issue in other parts of your life like with school or your job, it really isn’t worth it. I want to be evaluated on my work ethic, not my uh other work ethic. That was a weird way of putting it, but you get it right? There are stereotypes that come with being an SB, and I don’t want those stereotypes popping up at my job or in class.
Yeah, there are definitely some negative connotations associated with the sugaring community. Let’s chat a bit about the most popular one being that people would think you are essentially a prostitute.
Okay well I don’t think of myself that way, but I can understand why people would. I’m not here to argue about why I would or wouldn’t be considered one because once people hear the words sugar baby, they have already made up their minds. Nothing I say will change that, and it really isn’t any of my business what other people think of me. All I can do is say what I need to say and not dwell on it. And what I have to say is that sex work is valid as long as it is safe and a consensual situation. With that being said, I actually haven’t had sex with my SD.
Would you mind elaborating on what you do with him?
Yeah, we go on dates and just hang out a lot. We meet for drinks, dinner, plays, whatever we are in the mood for that day. He recently surprised me with concert tickets. We have fun together, and I am in no way obligated to sleep with him. The topic of sex hasn’t even come up. It’s been 4 months of just seeing each other.
What you just described to me sounds like what I do with my friends. Would that be a fair comparison?
Absolutely. Only, I get paid for it. Don’t get me wrong, there are many arrangements out there where there is sex involved. It would be dumb to think there isn’t. But for me, and a lot of others, it’s just platonic.
Speaking of getting paid, do you mind sharing how much you typically make from being a sugar baby?
That depends on how many times I’m able to see him. We both have busy schedules, but we try to make time at least twice a month. So, on those months I’m making around $500. If I see him more often, I get more money.
Wow, that’s pretty good money for just spending time with somebody.
Oh, I know girls who are making thousands a month.
Is the money what attracted you to the sugar bowl?
Yes, and no. I don’t need to tell you what life for a poor student is like. Of course money was the reason. I have bills to pay, loans to pay, and sometimes I like to buy groceries. I was getting by, but I was working 40 hours a week at 2 part-time jobs while also doing 6 classes. It was shit. Absolute shit. I could either do well in school or have enough money to get by, but not both because it was too much to juggle. Then I found out about being a sugar baby, and it felt like the best solution for me. I was able to quit one of my jobs and now I have more time to focus on school. Let’s be real, who wouldn’t want to get paid for just hanging out with somebody? I think a lot of people would. They just won’t because of the stereotypes.
Let’s talk about the no. You said “yes, and no” to the question of whether money lead you to becoming a sugar baby.
Well money was the first thing on my mind, but I also liked the idea of socializing with a man knowing that sex isn’t an issue. No strings, no pressure. He wants to spend time with me obviously, because he is paying me for my company. It’s weird though because I have to always remember that there is a line between friendship and business, you know? Plus, he actually likes to do fun things. All anyone ever does here is get drunk, go to The Vil or wherever, hook up with each other, and repeat. It’s sad. And boring. It’s expensive. This way I can get out of Wolfville and do fun things, meet interesting people, and I’m not breaking my bank to do it.
Do you ever feel shallow for just hanging out with somebody for their money?
I used to, when we first started. But then I reminded myself that this is a consensual arrangement. I’m not like, leading him or anything like that. He wants to spend money on me. It’s a business arrangement. I’m providing him with a service he needs, and I’m getting compensated for it. It is what it is.
I’m going to repeat something I heard recently, and I would love your honest reaction. You cannot be a feminist and be an SB.
Yeah, I call bullshit. Who is anyone to tell me what I am and what I can’t be? My body, my life. I am a sugar baby and, yes, I am a feminist. Just because I get paid for what everyone does on a daily basis means I’m not? So dumb. If anything, it’s unfeminist to say that I can’t be a feminist for choosing what to do with my life, finances, and body.
I guess an argument supporting that you can’t be a feminist comes from the idea that you are participating in a culture that perpetuates the sale, sexualization, and oppression of women. What do you think about this?
I’m not being sexualized, and I’m sure as hell not being oppressed in the arrangement. I don’t think a lot of people realize that I’m the one calling the shots here. I get to choose what I’m comfortable with and when to walk away. I’m not trapped. I’m not being used. And there are tons of males who are sugar babies, so that argument doesn’t even make sense. As for the sale of women, technically we’re all for sale. We all get paid for something, there’s something about each of us that has been sold, and it isn’t gender specific, you know? Some people sell their manual labour, some people sell their music, some people sell clothes, whatever. I’m doing the same thing, only I’m selling my companionship. Take it how you want, I really don’t care. Doesn’t change the fact that I’m making money and paying my bills just like everyone else.
Is that how you spend your SB money? On bills?
Yep. As soon as he pays me, I go through my list of bills: rent, WiFi, power, phone, loans. If I have anything left over, groceries. After that, whatever I do with the rest of my money is my business. What’s nice about my arrangement though is that I get paid on top of what he gives me. So sometimes he’ll give me a gift of buying my groceries for the week, and then I still get the same amount of pay. It really takes some stress away.
Besides myself, do any of your friends or family know what you do?
I’ve told a few people, and I usually get the same kind of reaction. Shock, a little bit of a lecture, and then either acceptance or straight up verbal attacks. I’ve learned to not tell people anymore. It’s funny because if my friends ask where I go all the time I just say that I’m dating somebody. Then they ask where I got my new clothes or whatever, and I say that the guy I’m dating bought it for me. They’re like “oh wow so lucky, I wish a guy would buy me things”. But then if I were to say that he also pays me to spend time with him, all of a sudden things change and I get a lecture about my safety or some shit.
Have you ever been concerned about safety?
No, not at all. If I ever feel uncomfortable at any point before actually meeting the guy, I bail. If I ever get weird vibes at all, I bail. I went through what you could call an interview process with at least 7 men before finding one who vibed with what I wanted out of this.
I mean, obviously you’re safe but you have to admit that there is a risk with this kind of thing.
Oh, absolutely. 100%. I’m not saying it isn’t dangerous, because it is. I’ve heard some horror stories from other women for sure. But if you really think about it, is it any less dangerous than online dating in general? Tinder maybe? Same thing, I’m just getting paid.
Fair enough. Is there anything else you would like the readers of The Ath to know?
Sure. I’m not on social assistance, I do in fact have a real job, and no I’m not spending all my money on drugs. This is an STA so I can get through my undergrad without being homeless.
Are these some of the judgements you’ve been met with?
People end up thinking of me the same exact way Hollywood thinks of prostitutes but trust me, I’m fine. People are quick to judge, but at the end of the day I’m paying off my line of credit while they’re giving me dirty looks. It’s whatever. They think I don’t have self-respect but the funny thing about self-respect is that it is a personal thing and no one can define it for me but me.
And on that note, I would like to thank-you sincerely for doing this interview with me. What do you think the Acadia community response will be to this interview?
Some will love it, some will hate it, some will think it’s stupid. I bet a lot of readers will look up some Sugar websites though.