BDSM: Keeping it Kinky

So you think that kink is for you. In this follow up article to last submission’s“BDSM Basics” we will discuss how to add a little kink to your bedroom. Although the kink scene may appeal to you, it may not seem as erotic to your partner. Discuss their comfort zones and limits with them prior to engaging in any new activity. Always remember to keep all activities safe, sane, and consensual, and engage in appropriate aftercare for all parties.One of the most common BDSM activities is bondage. Bondage can be as simple or complex as you want it to be. Scarves, stockings, ties, and belts can be used as effective and inexpensive restraints. Prior to tying up you sub, slide the binding across the body to create a range of sensations. This will heighten expectations for what is to come. For bondage beginners, assume a simple position lying down with your arms tied above your head. As your comfort level increases, you can experiment with more involved positions. No matter your experience, always tie restraints so you can fit two fingers between the bondage and skin. If the sub ever expresses discomfort at the fit of their bindings, make sure to loosen and fix them accordingly. Overly tight restraints can cut off blood flow, leading to numbness and nerve damage. Bondage positions that place strain on joints create risks for muscle or ligament damage. Tight bindings can also lead to blood clots, and once restraints are removed clots can travel throughout the vascular system, sometimes ending up in the lungs, brain, or heart. If you are participating inextended bondage sessions, are prone to clots, or are using hormonal birth control, make sure you move around from time to time to prevent clot formation. Always keep in mind that any form of bondage, no matter how simple, puts the sub at risk of physical harm. Always keep scissors handy, and if using handcuffs keep the keys within easy reach. Never tie your sub and leave the room. If sensation play intrigues you, try running feathers, icecubes, and other objects across your partner’s body. For added fun, blindfold them so they can’t identify the object. Try using cold or warm items to heighten sensations. Wax play is one method of increasing warmth; however, buy appropriate waxes as average candle wax can cause burns. Make sure to burn candles safely and be aware of the flammability of clothes used in any scene involving flames. Always test the wax prior to administering larger doses, and consider that the higher wax is held from the body, the cooler it will be when it lands. On the alternate side of the spectrum there is ice. Ice-trays shaped like a variety of toys can be purchased, and for the DIYer ice dildos are easy and cheap to make (fill a condom with water and freeze it). BDSM can be physically and emotionally freeing, but like all actions it can have great consequences. Always be open to discussion around a scene, and if you are uncomfortable with an action don’t perform it. Kink is first and foremost about communication. Actively maintaining a dialog ensures continued mental and physical health for all participants. Kinky relationships, like any relationship, are built on mutual trust and respect. Although you may think BDSM is a veritable minefield of catastrophes waiting to happen, many of the risks and hazards are the same sorts of things you have to learn when getting involved in any physical sport. The mental risks are the same things you learn about when getting involved with another person. If the idea of incorporating BDSM into your bedroom excites you, you are not alone. The Kinsey Institute estimates that approximately 30% of the population derives “pleasant thrills” from engaging in BDSM related activities. Although it can be scary admitting to a partner that your tastes are not vanilla, you don’t need to jump into whips and chains right away. If you and your partner decide to incorporate kink into your relationship, take it slow. Start with simple activities and as your comfort grows increase the intensity. Keep in mind that no one can read minds, top or bottom, and that it doesn’t kill the mood to check in with your partner. It is also not solely the Top’s responsibility to spot problems, although they may have to be extra vigilant. Every participant in a scene shares responsibility for one another’s safety. Although popular culture often depicts BDSM relationships with an all-controlling Top, the truth is that being submissive is about asserting control. The sub knows and communicates their limits, and the dom listens to their sub. Doms may orchestrate a scene, but only within parameters set by their sub. Sex is ultimately about satisfaction and fun. However, always remember that consent and communication are a must, and that each individual is unique. Experiment with your kinky side, have fun, and whatever your preferences, keep it safe, sane, and consensual.

Anya K'nees

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