Humorous Horoscopes

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Aries: Make an effort to reduce the number of strangers in your life, long held friendships may leave you wishing you had others to turn to.

Taurus: Not the whole quart champ, not on a Wednesday at least. The weekend holds a great opportunity for adventure.

Gemini: Some unwinding is required, good fortune will provide you with the chance to catch your breath. Use it to focus on a forgotten hobby.

Cancer: Let your emotions cloud your judgement. It’s not like it matters in the long run.

Leo: Many “A’s” lie ahead for you. It cannot be determined if this is a good thing or if you fell asleep on your keyboard.

Virgo: CALL YOUR MOM, YOU TRASHBAG.

Libra: The best thing in your life is going to be that the salt shakers have returned to meal hall. Expect smooth sailing and slightly more tolerable food.

Scorpio: Recommend your favourite show to someone, their GPA may not like it, but they sure will!

Sagittarius: Join with all the other “Sagittariuseses” and decide on different birth dates, I am tired of googling how to spell this nonsense.

Capricorn: Make the most of your time. Friends that study together succeed together!

Aquarius: Get your old squad together for a skype call, it’ll be a complete mess, half of them won’t be able to make it, but the ones there, they needed this.

Pisces: Grass, I lied about the wheels.

Jarod Hawkeye Campbell

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