A Guide to Being Promiscuous
Sports and Wellness Editor
Sexual liberation is one of many experiences students often benefit from at university. For the first time, students are out of their homes and are free to “find themselves”. At home, we are often restricted by our parent’s rules, the values of family members and friends, and the ideologies in our communities. At university, students can truly act as adults and can dictate all aspects of their life including their sexuality and sexual behaviours. I have been fortunate enough to have had two amazing girlfriends at Acadia (one which was long term) but have also tasted what it is like to be single and “promiscuous”. However, during this transition period it is important to be mindful of how you treat yourself and those who you choose to be romantically and sexually involved with. The following is my advice on how to act when you are experimenting with sex.
- Consent: consent can be a complex thing for some people to understand – even though it comes down to something as simple as a “yes or no”. The bottom line is – if you don’t have consent – then don’t flipping do it. This doesn’t only have to do with respecting your partner, but also just being a decent human being. I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain this, but I will for those who still hold the Neanderthal ideology that ‘a 1000 no’s and a hesitant yes is still a yes’. Consent must be loud and clear, and not forced. If someone says no – you stop. Simple as that. If someone is intoxicated – they can not consent. If your partner who regularly consents to sex with you doesn’t consent that night – then you don’t have consent. In other words, consent during sex is action-specific. Even within sex itself, taking the next step requires consent.
- Communicate: During sex, its great to use communication if possible to express your desire to continue, and what you like! Some people find non-verbal communication more attractive, but please use your words when it comes to something that crosses the line – safe words are great! Sex also can be greatly improved by being open with what you like and don’t like so that you can get the most out of sex.
- Be honest: Honesty is instrumental to a relationship regardless of how they are defined or “how serious” they may be. Be clear about what you want from the relationship or arrangement from day one. This will save both you and the person you are involved with many headaches and will ensure that neither person is hurt or feel used. I have been a victim of this, and also unfortunately have failed to be 100% honest with my partners at times. I am begging you to learn from this mistake and be open so that you can get the most out of sex whether it be in the relationship or the act itself. Know your limits and be respectful of yourself and also your partner’s wishes. This will ensure the best experience for everyone! In addition, be courteous. If you need to cancel – just tell them. If you have changed your mind about going out, then just explain that. I for one find it much more refreshing to know that the person just wasn’t feeling the relationship as opposed to being ghosted and left wondering about what I may have done wrong.
- Wear protection and get checked: Always wear protection. I don’t need to explain the risks regarding pregnancy and STI’s. Chlamydia is rampant at Acadia, and while it’s a minor ailment compared to some it can still have long term repercussions. Wear protection and get checked between partners. It doesn’t take long, and you’ll protect yourself and your partner thus avoiding awkward encounters and serious health issues.
- Have fun: Finally, remember to have fun. Sex and relationships should be about you and you first. You should feel safe, comfortable, and enjoy every aspect of a relationship. If you feel you are in a toxic relationship, then reach out for support from one of many supports on campus (there is an article in this issue!). Sex should be enjoyable and has many mental and physical health (who doesn’t enjoy a quick 15 minutes of cardio?). Don’t let what others think get you down. I personally have been targeting by slut shaming and have been called a ‘hoe’ for enjoying sex. A friend told me my sexual values are “way left field”. These comments hurt, but I know that what I did was best for me. As long as sex is consensual, fun, and communication is a core aspect – have at it.
I wish you all the best in your romantic and sexual endeavours. I hope you find these reminders helpful. If you think I missed something, then let me know so I can improve and help promote sex positivity!