Suburban Mom Horoscopes

LINDA
Virgo, Gemini, Aries, Scorpio 

Linda is the Cool Mom™ on the block. She’s a force to be reckoned with and everyone knows it. If Gary steps even one centimeter out of line at the PTA meeting, Linda’s there in a heartbeat to put him back where he belongs. Catch her rolling up to the soccer game with a hatchback full of Costco Powerade, ready to win the little league championship and maybe spill a little juicy gossip with the other mums. (Rumour has it that Carol gets her famous cucumber sandwiches from Sobeys and re-plates them every year for the cul-de-sac BBQ.) 

 

BRENADINE 

Capricorn, Libra, Cancer, Aquarius 

Who is she.
Brenadine is ever present, but never really there. Nobody really knows how long she’s lived here. Just that she’s been there as long as anyone can remember. Brenadine was there when Susan’s neighbour’s mother moved in, and when Susan’s neighbour’s mother asked about her, someone told her that Brenadine had been there since her grandmother was a baby. If that account is true, Brenadine has been living in the cul-de-sac for roughly 82 years. It’s still up in the air whether or not Brenadine is even real, but she never fails to make an appearance at the social functions, so everyone has just come to accept her as a part of their lives.

 

CAROL 

Leo, Taurus, Pisces, Saggitarius 

Carol is the Queen of the Cul-de-sac™. She’s bold and beautiful with a touch of class, and a pinch of sass. If you’re on her good side, you’re in for the royal treatment, but if you’re in the bad books, you’ll be banned from the cul-de-sac BBQ before you have a chance to say “This quinoa is delightful!” Carol is a wealthy woman, and she has no problem flaunting it. It’s probably safe to assume that anything you have, Carol has one that’s better. She is not without her flaws, though. (Carol has never made a cucumber sandwich in her life. She buys them from Sobeys every year, and if anyone says anything, they’re no longer invited.) 

 

 

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *