I have a hard time wrapping my head around why so many people almost go into shock when they hear me, a heterosexual female, openly talk about sex. Whether it be talking about having sex or things I enjoy during sex, the look on their faces is just sheer and utter appalment. It’s like they can’t believe that a woman of my age and relationship status is having sex and is willing to engage in open discourse about it. Newsflash people: if a heterosexual or bisexual male talks about having a hook up or a friends-with-benefits with someone, there is generally going to be female counterpart.
I guess I kind of understand the initial shock that comes with hearing a female talk about sex. Males have been openly talking about their sexual encounters for decades now, whereas females have just really started embracing their “womanhood” recently. But it’s time to get over this. Feminism doesn’t just apply to equal wages or equal voting rights. It’s also about sexual freedom and that anyone, no matter what their gender is, should be able openly and equally talk about sex without experiencing any discrimination.
Don’t get me wrong: I am not saying that the reactions people give me when I talk about sex are inherently discriminating, but it is not the same reaction many of my male peers receive when they talk about sex. Let me give you an example: I have been asked numerous times by males about my masturbation (i.e. whether I engage in it and/ or how often I do so). First off, I want to start by pointing out that it’s not their place to ask that. Yes, I openly talk about sex if I want to do so, but it shouldn’t be anyone else’s business unless I decide to share it with them (being the Student Sexual Health Worker at Acadia has made this a little bit difficult though because I often get, “I thought you were open and honest about these things”). What really gets me, though, is how guys seem to get turned on when I tell them the simple fact that I masturbate. I mean, I don’t get turned on when they tell me that they masturbate, and I understand that people have different sexual preferences, but I don’t get why they act as though it’s so surprising that I masturbate. I can only imagine how they would respond if I told them about the other sexual activities I engage in.
This article isn’t meant to penalize males by any means. In fact, I have found that even a lot of females give me and my other sexually explicit female peers questionable glares and remarks when they hear us talk about sex. From my experience, I have been the target of “slut-shaming” by more of my female peers than my male peers. Come on, girls! We need to stick together in this. If we are fighting for equality, you have to stop being so unaccepting of behaviours of your female peers that you readily accept for your male peers.
What I’m trying to get across is that it’s 2017: it’s about time to accept the fact that everyone, no matter their gender or sexual orientation, should be able to talk about sex without it becoming a big deal. Besides, the best way to ensure that you are having sex that you will enjoy is to talk about it; talk about your likes and your dislikes, your turn ons and your turn offs, what you are interested in trying and what is a firm “hell no” for you. Just talk about it, for… sex’ sake.
Full disclosure: this article is written from the opinion and experiences of a Caucasian, heterosexual female, and are only my own personal thoughts. I am by no means speaking for my peers who fall into these subcategories. I just thought some people might be able to relate to what I have experienced.