Tag: Kanye West

  • So Help Me God / Swish / Waves / Untitled: The West Side Story

    There often comes an awakening during the damned humdrummery of human existence that jolts us out of this precondition (at least for a little while). For me it will be when Kanye West’s new album — tentatively titled “Waves” — drops. I’ve written an article in the past in defense of Kanye West, and I would like to add another notch to the proverbial bedpost. West has been teasing this album for a few months now, dropping non CDQ clips, live performances, and even music videos of songs that had a slight possibility of being in the album. I was enthralled by two in particular: “Real Friends” and “No More Parties In L.A.”

    Real Friends

    There’s something very Kafka-esque about this song. Perhaps it’s about the inability to escape the vicissitudes of fame and its ability to engulf everyone around you, turning them into adversaries. The song is eerily reminiscent of the painting “A Bigger Splash” by David Hockney. It’s a looking glass into Kanye’s past. Seemingly static, yet tinted with murky undertones. However, the song still manages to be “present.” There’s a vivid phantasm that Kanye manages to construct with the beat. One of a late-capitalist nouveau riche L.A love story; parties littered with drugs, humidity enveloping every inch of a body lying by the pool, and a drive down the city as the tires skid weightlessly. All these — I feel — are tenuously held together by a transient string. This song is the string.

    No More Parties In L.A.

    The song starts off sounding like a mix of Gospel music and Funk. Not all of it is eschewed as Kendrick Lamar steps up to the microphone (although a darker, funk driven beat is favored). Lamar spits an extraordinary verse as per usual, but surprisingly Kanye manages to outshine him. Lyrically, Kanye delves into the polarity between poverty and wealth, exhibiting a more lucid flow than the Kanye we’re used to. As those of you who’ve taken the time to listen to his past work probably know, he’s pretty mediocre in terms of lyricism and technical ability. But in this song, he holds up a veneer of impressive technical prowess.

    Time will tell whether this album turns out to be one of Kanye West’s best works or sub-par overtly iconoclastic preachy trite. I say this only because Kanye is at a point in his life he’s never been before: he’s happy. In the waning paradisal years of his life, he has managed to find the woman of his dreams and has had two children that he (probably) loves as much as he loves himself. It’s the archetypal success story, and at this point the curtains drop and the credits roll. Although I would like to say with temerity that this album will be another phenomenal description of the intricacies of fame and capitalism — I have to waiver on the slight possibility that contentment may have led to complacency.

  • The New New Workout Plan

    In 2004, Kanye did women everywhere a huge solid and introduced us to The New Workout Plan. It was never easier to snag yourself a rapper or NBA player (or at least a dude with a car). All you had to do was: a) give head, b) stop, c) breathe, d) get up, and e) check your weave. But times have changed. We need a newer workout plan. We need one that’s a bit more comprehensive so we don’t feel the brutal effects of Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness the next day. We need one that corresponds with all of the positions you know and love. So step aside, Kanye. There’s a new new workout plan.

    You know that stupid crab walk relay that you always had to do in phys. ed.? Do you remember how excruciatingly tiring that was? Do you remember collapsing when you got halfway across the gym? And yet, somehow, whenever you’re riding cowgirl, you always end up in the fucking crab-walk position. It always seems like a good idea at the time. “Oh yeah,” you think to yourself. “I’ve got this.” And, for the first minute or so, you do. You are a porn-star/sex-goddess! But then it happens. You start to feel the burn in your upper arms. You ignore it. You are capable of this. Well, you would be if you had any measurable upper body strength whatsoever. This means that you’re going to want to incorporate some triceps dips and shoulder presses into this workout. And lots of them. Unless you want to relive those painful memories of your arms giving out during your crab walk. Only this time, instead of collapsing in front of your grade 8 phys. ed. classmates, you’re collapsing in front of the hot guy you brought home from the Vil. Or more accurately, on top of him.

    Speaking of girl-on-top, your hip flexors are also going to need some serious attention. If you’ve woken up with a case of the shaky-legs, it’s a sign of a night well-spent (props), but it’s also kind of a bitch unless you plan on avoiding stairs for the rest of the day. Limber up with some lunge stretches. Your hip flexors will thank you.

    As we all know, flexibility is of the utmost importance. So do yourself a favour and get into some yoga. Bonus points for hot yoga, which will more realistically simulate you trying to bend yourself into a sexy, sweaty pretzel. This will be especially helpful if you’re hooking up with a guy who thinks that all girls can just casually throw their legs over a dude’s shoulders without pulling a muscle. As if. And I’m sure you can use your imagination to figure out why it’s also a good idea to practice downward dog. Besides downward dog, you can prepare yourself to get it from behind by practicing cow pose (on all fours, with your stomach pushed towards the mattress). I can understand if you don’t want to call it “cow pose” though. It’s already weird enough to picture yourself as a doggy when you’re having sex, let alone a cow.

    Abs are another key player when you’re getting freaky. Notice that your oblique muscles are sore in the morning? That’s probably because you were using them to hold yourself up while you were sexy-spooning your brains out last night. Some Russian twists with a medicine ball will fix you right up. And don’t forget your crunches! Those abdominals are going to come in handy when you’re on the receiving end of some oral action and you have to sit up to deliver directions and/or encouragement.

    Finally, as for shower sex, I don’t really know what to tell you. You need all of your stabilizing muscles to be on point for that shit. Maybe try a Bosu balance ball or something. Only in order for this exercise to actually simulate shower sex, maybe try balancing on it in the pouring rain while trying to dodge a million falling shampoo bottles at the same time. That should do the trick.

  • Making A Case For Yeezy

    Making A Case For Yeezy

    When talk of oft-hated mythical figures arises, people either think about the Loch Ness Monster or Kanye West. West receives undue hate from puritanical elitists as they dismiss him as irrelevant, painting him as an untalented peasant – an outsider violating the sanctity of a sterling industry. Why do these elitists despise him with such self-righteous fervor? What has he done that offends the general public? Well, at the risk of sounding condescending, let me repudiate the same old ranting tirade I hear about his lack of talent every time he is brought up in a discussion:

    He’s not a musically untalented peasant. The guy’s actually a very talented producer who has made highly innovative music. His sonic metamorphosis has been one of unrelenting undulation. Kanye started it off with a sound marked by Soul and R&B inspired beats, drizzled with a lush and silky string accompaniment i.e. his first two albums: The College Dropout (2004) and Late Registration (2005).

    The sound subsequently rocketed to the other end of the spectrum – ending up somewhere between pop superstar and chauvinist rapper. His next album, Graduation (2007) – the sonic equivalent of him coming to terms with the newfound fame, was characterized by an increased amount of electronic and synthesizer influenced backing.

    Perhaps his most introspective album came next. 808s and Heartbreak (2008) was an attempt to reconcile his musical career with the death of his mother. The sound was something ineffable – not quite pop, not quite melancholia, and not quite rap. It was an experiment, and it worked. It bares soul; it has a unique depressive stripped down aesthetic marked by a heavy use of auto-tune to convey unusually solemn lyrical content.

    We arrive then at his magnum opus, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (2010). The album is a castle built on foundations of musical maximalism and hip-hop. It’s a constant outcry against modern day capitalistic culture, while at the same time it celebrates it. The dichotomy is at first is hard to understand, but Kanye has always had a polarizing relationship with late-stage capitalism. He sees the worth in the ability of the every-man to achieve something great, while hating the ability of the system to mold you into something that you despise. In a nutshell, it’s an album about capitalism saving him and killing him at the same time. It was critically acclaimed by nearly every musical publication, and also lauded to be one of the best albums of the decade.

    His most recent release was perhaps his most abrasive, reductionist, and minimalist work. The album Yeezus (2013) favored a grungier, acid house, and industrial influenced tonality. I see it as the natural succession of 808s and Heartbreak, but this time, Kanye is happy. He has a beautiful girlfriend, a burgeoning musical career, and boatloads of money. The lyrical content focuses around this, and also eschewing modern day racism (he sees it as a byproduct of the capitalist structure, still having a salient presence in his life). The album is probably his happiest album since Graduation, and yet it sounds corrosive. But it did win its due accolades, placing itself on many “Best of The Year” lists.

    If by this point the sonic experimentation fails to impress you, then you should know that he’s garnered over 350 nominations for different musical awards shows, won twenty-one Grammies, and every one of his album’s has been critically lauded in various different publications spanning every platform possible. Blind luck for six albums in a row spanning over eleven years? If people have to resort to such paradoxical conspiracies to defend the vestigial view that he is an untalented imbecile, then we might just have to admit that his music does hold merit and relevance.

  • Listen to the Kids

    Listen to the Kids

    Listen to the kids
    In all of our bids
    For Freedom and Knowledge
    For Adventure and Sins
    For in time we’ll find our dime
    And become the next kings
    Listen to the kids
    And let us go see
    What we want to become
    In the Age of the Free
    Listen to the kids
    If you wanted to know
    Where the world’s going
    And what it is to bestow
    Listen to the kids
    We’ll figure it out
    Against all this pressure
    And shadowing doubt
    Listen to the kids
    I’m sure you will find
    Us able enthusiasts
    With good health and good minds
    Listen to the kids
    We’re smarter than we seem
    Our empathic inspirations
    Are more than just Dreams
    Data, speed, and strategy — all powered by AI corthiq ember ai login.

    Inspired by the first line of Kanye’s VMA speech

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