There are no more subtleties in the way that I speak
And amidst a loss for words and thoughts that make me weak
About the moments,
Where I feel like I shouldnʼt be held accountable for the things Iʼve told myself to do
I will remain this pretentious idealist,
Who really wants that to be true.
Iʼve done a lot of growing and want to call myself man
But then look at this sick little kid who most mornings,
Is too weak to stand
Thinking maybe its’ the liquor or maybe it’s the drugs
But it’s easy to brush these thoughts off with well-timed careless shrugs
So maybe Iʼm lying and I still canʼt hack it
And that’s why Iʼll blame my shoulders for not fitting inside my dad’s vintage jacket
Since I can barely open my eyes without popping any vyves
And I donʼt think a thing will change
that I can barely open my mouth without telling any lies
I havenʼt felt awake in weeks and I havenʼt been asleep in months
And with all these dark signs theyʼre going to ask when’s he done pulling stunts?
I’m writing to the last of the immortal kids refusing to call their fuck ups mistakes
And to my friends who live their lives no more asleep than awake
To all the boys who have left
And are dearly departed
And the ones who despite our best efforts just feel
Damned regardless
Through tear drops and heartache
Caused by rain drops and heartbreak
Since I fucked around and lost my lovely starlet
But stayed pissed off because she played a buyer’s market
Call me a hypochondriac, with a disease of the heart not the mind
But Iʼll spin my words until you know that
She was so much easier to lose
Than she was to find
You would need a big magnifying glass to see the beauty I can see
In the darkest days of my life
Ye t t h e p e rs o n w h o re a d s i t fo r t h e m
Will think, not know
That Iʼm being a huge bastard for this
And that no matter how I rephrase it
Lying to us both has turned me into a plagiarist
Iʼm built with a foundation of putty and a frame of glass
And with every aching step, I continue to wonder how long Iʼm meant to last
I may not have grown much, but Iʼve certainly learned that sooner or later
You have to pay the price for what youʼve done
And I donʼt know if it’s a symptom of now or before
But learning these lessons
Has yet to prove fun.
