4 Really Cool Career Ideas in Case You Fail all of Your Exams and Have to Change Your Identity and Move Overseas to Hide Your Shame

On this day, December 7th, 2017, we find ourselves on the eve of final exams, my friends. I don’t know how you’re feeling, but if you are like me and have been wondering if you’re going to pass your classes or if you’re going to need to drop out, move overseas, and change your identity to hide your shame, fear not! Here is a list of really cool career options for you to start your new life.

1. Coffee Farming in Panama

How to do it: Move to Panama. Plead your case with a coffee farmer. Become a farm hand.

Pros: Lots of time outside. Reconnect with mother nature.

Cons: If you have never farmed before you might have a little bit of trouble

1. Bootleg Icelandic Frozen Yogurt Stand

How to do it: Go to the independent grocer. Buy all of the SKYR Icelandic yogurt. Freeze it. Pack it in a suitcase. Fly to Iceland. Let the yogurt melt a little bit. Put it in cones. Sell the Icelandic people their own yogurt.

Pros: People LOVE frozen yogurt. Lots of money in this business.

Cons: This might be a crime. I’m not sure.

1. Escort for MILFs and DILFs

How to do it: Use the rest of your student loan to buy fancy clothes. Write some craigslist ads. Kijiji ads. Facebook ads. e-Harmony ads. Sell your young and hot company to some rich middle aged people. Attend parties, high school reunions, etc.

Pros: You will be able to pay off your student loan? Also you will get to attend some parties.

Cons: Some people might frown upon the business of selling yourself but I mean… eh.

1. In-Person Telemarketing

How to do it: You’ve heard a telemarketer. The almost never succeed. Why? Because you can hang up and get rid of them. The solution: Take your phone into their house. Call them from the inside. Talk to them on the phone across the dinner table. If they hang up on you, you’re still there. After 3 hours, offer to leave for a modest price.

Pros: I am sure that you will make lots of money doing this. You will get to travel, see lots of people’s houses.

Cons: This might be a crime too… maybe multiple crimes.  

Full Disclosure: I have never tried any of these. I cannot guarantee their success. If you try it and they go horribly wrong, I reserve the right to not be sued for damages.

P.S. You might be thinking, “if this is a list, why are all of them number 1?” That is because all of these ideas are amazing and will definitely work so they are all #1. No second-rate ideas here.