Tag: short story

  • You Probably Won’t Like The Ending, And That’s Okay

    Your eyes are brown and beautiful, it’s been longer than three years since I last saw them. No one ever tells you that brown eyes can be beautiful, everyone fawns over the depth and clarity of blues and greens. Beautiful brown eyes are softer, warmer. I didn’t realize how long I’d been held by them. I don’t remember when our eyes first met. As the flames between us danced, they blocked the line of sight, and I realized I hadn’t been breathing. Outside of my mind the moment ended. I drifted between paying attention to the conversation around me, and attempting to indulge my lust for your gaze. I aimed to lose myself in your eyes again.

    Glances toward you lingered longer and were more frequent. Even now the memory of the erratic shadows cast on your soft skin by the flames is calming. You were far too pretty, in contrast to the scruffy mess I was. You were also too pretty for this place – this campground didn’t deserve you. I caught your eye again, and time seems to stop. I smiled, and you got up from the log and were lost in the darkness surrounding the fire. I stared into the flames, my thoughts still filled by you. I realized I was cold and tired, so I turned to leave.

    You’re there, slight smile, those eyes. I mesh my fingers with those of your outstretched hand. You’re cold as well, and soft. I can’t tell which of us is trembling, fighting not to shiver. You take the lead, and I follow. I’m thankful the moon provides enough light that I can make out how beautiful your form is. I curse the night for teasing me with the details. You’re definitely too pretty. I realize I have no idea where we’re going, who you are, or why you’ve brought me here. I wonder why I’m not concerned when you stop. There should have been silence in the absence of footsteps. I hear breathing. It has an emotional quiver to it, a note of urgency. I realize its not mine. Our eyes meet again. I don’t stare this time. I’ve closed my eyes without really understanding why. I don’t open them.

    I can describe your eyes now, if only to myself. They look they way your lips feel. Warm. Soft. Tempting. Sexy. Wrapped together, we both shiver. Mouths part for breath, our faces still touching. We kiss again. Your tongue presses into the part between my lips. I allow you. I understand the phrase “putty in your hands”, I’ve become it. I wasn’t sure what to expect, or why I expected anything at all. But, grinning despite gasping for breath, I expected something to happen. Your eyes echoed back the new energy, the new feelings, the electric thrill.

  • Help

    “I woke staring at the ceiling. I just laid there, not moving. I just watched as the shadows danced around the ceiling. They moved so slowly but elegantly. They moved to the drum in my chest and my ears. Their forms morphing to and from, graceful creatures and beautiful monsters of the imagination. I felt my blood being pumped throughout my body. I felt full. I felt alive. Then there was suddenly a hole.”

    “Where was this hole?”

    “It was where your heart is supposed to be, where it is supposed to be to wait for someone to aid it to beat, where it was suppose to work and help me feel something. I felt nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Emptiness seemed to swirl in a vortex consuming everything around it—slowly spreading. I felt as if I were dying. My internal organs were eating themselves inside out. It spread and spread and spread. I just laid. I did nothing. I couldn’t do anything. My limbs seemed to give up. My brain screamed in protest and told me to let the darkness take me whole. It told me it would make things better.

    “It wouldn’t have been so bad. My soul, my soul revolted. It refused to die out. It refused to leave this realm to go to Valhalla. It refused to stop fighting. It still had some fight left. When the darkness touched my soul, chaos erupted. A giant mosh pit of emptiness and emotion collided. I felt the tremors of that giant combustion on my insides. The pain was intense. I cannot take it anymore.”

    He had taken out his heart and had put it out there, in the air, for her to see. He had unlocked himself once more to let her in. He wanted someone to fill the vacancy in his heart. He wanted her to understand. He wanted her to care.

    “You need help,” she said indifferently yet delicately. “ You need to take some Zoloft. It will make things better.”

    She didn’t get the message. She didn’t take the hint. He had shown her his heart and she had paid no attention to it. She looked through like it was invisible. Like there was nothing there already. The pain in his eyes were far beyond repair. She had dropped Fat Man and he was destroyed.

    “Here, I have some in my purse.”

    She pretended to rummage through her purse, but in truth she knew exactly where they were. She drew it out carefully like it was a precious gem sent to earth from heaven. He took it from her shaking hands and opened the little bottle.

    He got up and started walking.

    “Where the fuck are you going?”

    She hurried after him.

    He entered the bathroom.

    “What in God’s name are you going to do in there?”

    He lifted the toilet seat and extended his arm. His arm slowly turned. The pills fell into the water.

    She screamed.

    “What the hell!?! I was only trying to help. You’re going to pay me back for those…” She continued on as she dove to salvage some pills. He didn’t listen.

    He pushed her away and flushed and flushed and flushed.

    Her screaming were reduced to sobs. He bent over and whispered into her ear: “ You need help.”

    He stood up and walked out the door.

  • You, Me & Bitter Coffee: A Love Story

    A good typical love story has a happy ending, a good typical love story is made, not written at three in the morning mere hours before the start of a busy work day. This story is not that. Like the coffee it contains, it is mostly bitter and without enough milk or sugar to suit my tastes.
    It begins at an ending. High school graduation we sat next to each other, not by choice. Our last names happened to align. Maybe some day, if things are different between us, I will include them here and be proud of the story I’ve written about howI fell in love with you. As things currently stand I don’t expect that to be the case. The ceremony begins, I don’t remember it. I remember the photo I took of us, the selfie you instructed me on because I had never tried to take a good one. That photo remains only in my memory. Every dark and subtle detail of the two of us in cap and gown exists only in my mind. Deleted in one of my ever more frequent attempts to rid myself of the feelings deep within me that only you bring to the surface. The highlight of my evening was in two parts. The thrill of tearing open my gown on stage to reveal the skin tight batman shirt I had on underneath was not one of them. The look of excitement, wonder, and joy I got to see from you when I returned to the seat beside you certainly was. I am absolutely certain that is the same look I gave you upon your winning of the highest academic achievement award. However shallow of me it may be, it was then that I first took you seriously. Not because of the award, but because of your reaction to it. You almost seemed embarrassed, and that was a feeling I knew well. With that reaction it clicked to me that we could be good for each other. The record will show I was certainly correct in some sense on that point – though not exactly in the way I had wished. We went to safe grad. Somehow, I had managed to get your number during graduation and we texted on and off throughout the night, it was pleasant. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t seem to find you that night. At the time I thought I had blown a great opportunity, and I may have done so.
    Summer went along and we kept in touch, something I rarely did even with established friends, but you were special already, so that is of little note. It was during this time I know I started to fall for you. I was on a very boring, mostly empty city bus. I sat facing backwards beside the window, I had my nose in a book. Looking up I happened to catch the world in a rare perfect moment. The sun glistened off the harbour far below, not a single cloud to obstruct it, only a few to provide it with a frame to sit in. The air suddenly was lighter and smelled of sweet grasses, not diesel. I had only one thought in that moment. And so I texted it to you. I meant to put the words here but I don’t dare remember because I know pain is all they will bring. Not serious nor terrible pain. Just the pain a child feels when letting go of a helium balloon – just that pain, except in my heart. That particular scene on that particular day remains my favourite of all the moments I have ever lived, and my only desire in that moment was to share it with you. I’ve since shared wonderful and incredible times with you, but they have all been tainted by texts sent later in the summer, and the messages they carried to me.
    At first you didn’t feel like it was a good time to date, and so I waited. Then there wasn’t anyone you wanted to date and so I was the closest friend I could be. And then you got a girlfriend, and I was heartbroken. Thankfully you provided the distraction I needed from the news along with the news. My mind still reeled for days, actually that’s a lie. I still don’t have a good grasp of it many months later. I’m getting ahead of myself, skipping the relationship I had with you that you never signed up for.
    We started at university together, finding comfort in one another’s company in a strange new world. You needed a friend, and I simply needed you. Our walk through the gardens was the most cliché and romantic date I could think of. It would have only been better if it were actually a date. We debated what types of flowers grew where, which ones were prettiest, and the entire time I simply hoped to have our fingers intertwined instead of simply brushing together. I gave up on the second try, or at least I planned to. The discovery of the small and simple waterfall changed that. We were both equally excited about it, you because of the waterfall, the natural beauty of it. I was of course excited because you were excited, and saw that bring out your own natural beauty. I fear now that any time I go there I will only be able to think of you, and without a great change I wouldn’t dare bring anyone else there. It ended the way most of our time together has – and will continue to end – with my insisting to walk you home making sure you are safe. You bring out the best in me – my confidence, comfort, and strength. It takes more than I can manage to imagine what I will do without you in my life, you’ve been a great advisor and an even better friend, and I honestly wish that was all I wanted you to be.
    Midterms would bring coffee back into our story. You were a huge fan of it, it did everything I wanted to do for you – it kept you warm, helped you succeed, it was there late at night and early in the morning, it even helped pay the bills. That may be a bit of a stretch, but then everything was for me when you were involved. I gave you 110% and I think enough time has passed that I can admit my grades suffered because of how I felt, my friendships as well, even my partying was reduced, though that is likely for the better. I spent more time studying with you for your courses than I did my own, I pushed myself harder for you than I ever did for myself. In return I got homemade sodas and coffee, neither I really liked, but I loved them both because I associated them with you, and when I had them I was with you.
    I’ve seen exactly one scene from the Notebook, it’s the one with them laying down in the middle of the road watching the stoplights. Our town didn’t have stoplights, but it did have something even more romantic: snowstorms. I personally believe that our walk on that stormy night down the middle of the road beat the hell out of any scene in any movie in terms of chemistry, it also beat the hell out of my mark in chemistry.
    It was beautiful, it was exactly everything I hoped I would be able to offer to you as a partner in your life. That didn’t line up with what you needed and I’m not going to cry now thinking of you and your girlfriend being together. I have also just realized I can never send you this. You are too good a person, you’d feel guilty and I can’t ever put those feelings on you.
    That’s a rough outline of what I want to say, though there is more of course. The time we got shitfaced on rum and eggnog and you sat quietly and suffered with your secrets while we all spilled ours, the time you told me you were ace. The day I feel the worst about, the lunar eclipse. Job hunting, lunch at the cafe, open mic night at T.A.N., our adventures to Three Pools and all over the Valley. Our story isn’t one continuous love story. It’s the story of a simple, foolish boy falling in love with the most beautiful girl in a totally different way every single time they meet.
  • Road Trip

    Road Trip

     

    We darted out from the wooded grove and into a flat, open expanse, where fields of canola and corn and fallow land spread far into the flat horizon, studded with silver mountains and the blue sky was laced with wisps of white cloud. Pale shades of yellow blended with deep greens and red dirt. Deep grooves in the earth ran parallel to each other, each without ending or beginning on either side of the road. The golden line we followed stretched onwards against the hot asphalt, snaking round shallow coulees and rolling hills.

     

    As the engine hummed and tires beat against the pavement, you watched the fence posts flash by too fast to see the names on the mailboxes from the roadside. Occasionally, we’d pass an abandoned farmhouse occupied by squatters, or a wooden barn with the roof collapsed and the paint chipped. There was a scarecrow in one of the fields. Ugly, black crows rested upon its arms. They had picked the eyes out and the hat had long since blown away in the wind. You turned your head to look at me, your light blue eyes were subdued by the bright sun behind you. It looked as though you had been crying.

     

    I remember in the winter, when we had first walked down to the green space together. Around and around the track we walked, hours upon hours, until our conversation started to falter and you split and left me standing alone in the field. The snow danced around you as you walked away, out from the lighted paths and into the night. The look you gave me as you glanced back over your shoulder was the same you gave me then, in the car: your face was still darkened, but I could see the outlines of your furrowed brow and pursed lips, and your head was surrounded by the bright earth in the window behind you, a halo of rapeseed and wheat.

     

    This was a look of lonely hurt, of fear, and of confusion. It marked a coming change – a new era in our lives. Red lights flashed up ahead, signalling the approaching cargo train. The striped barriers descended. The engine driver waved his hat at us as he passed, and a deep rattle persisted as the flatcars moved by carrying no containers on their back. We sat idling and watched them go, and talked for half an hour or so until we had made up our minds. The decision was reached there at that silent junction, long after the bars had risen and the slow heavy train had disappeared from sight and slipped quietly between the mountains.

  • Directions

    Directions

    Walking alone through night on the third day of fall; walking to the store to buy a lighter – hair loose and makeup is fading, smiley lips at the busy busy people with their various lives – I look like I’m going somewhere by the way I gaze ahead and slightly skyward and the way the heels of my boots sound on the ground (he told me once that he is in love with the sound of my footsteps on wet pavement).

    I’m not going anywhere, really- the lighter was an excuse to get out of the house and to have a sense of direction in what really is wandering alongside other people (I wonder if they have meaningful direction, and if such meaningful direction can be revealed by the speed at which people walk).

    In the convenience store I ask for a lighter (they quietly wonder ‘what does she smoke?’) and I want to tell them that I don’t smoke much weed unless I’m drunk with friends who offer it with glazed eyes and the suggestion of escape. I never smoke cigarettes because I don’t want to be sad like my father on Christmas day who allows himself his “Christmas Cigarette” and looks both anxious and nostalgic and full of regret even though he always says “I have no regrets.” I don’t tell them any of these thoughts and feel inexplicably guilty for keeping them to myself.

    Walking home down the same street which now looks ominous. The sun has fully set itself (goodbye lovely streaks) and the moon is out and pale and menacing because it lights the faces of strange men; I allow myself to accept that they are not strange; they are strangers strangers. (Does the moon become menacing, or anything else, depending only on what it illuminates?) I walk quickly past the areas where men gather outside and discuss their monotonous lives punctuated by girls’ “cute butts” (they are profoundly still; lacking meaningful direction).

    At this time of year the white hydrangeas look the most beautiful in rain or the light of dusk (I once cried while he was walking beside me; it was morning and a white hydrangea in the light rain as well as his hand in mine was enough beauty to both break and sustain me).

    With the lighter I light a bundle of sage. It is green and white sage. It smells like the forest and like something else I cannot name. Something reverent. After a while I run cold water over the wand of sage to quell the glowing embers before he is home and I am no longer with only myself.

  • while briefly alone

    Walking alone at night on the third day of fall not wearing a bra; walking to the store to buy a lighter – hair loose and makeup is fading, smiley lips at the busy busy people with their various lives – I look like I’m going somewhere by the way I gaze ahead and slightly skyward and the way the heels of my boots sound on the ground (he told me once that he is in love with the sound of my footsteps on wet pavement).

    I’m not going anywhere, really- the lighter was an excuse to get out of the house and to have a sense of direction in my wandering down Main Street along with other beautiful and ugly and tired and alive people (I wonder if they have meaningful direction, and if such meaningful direction can be revealed by the speed at which people walk).

    In the convenience store I ask for a lighter (they quietly wonder ‘what does she smoke?’) and I want to tell them that I don’t smoke much weed unless I’m drunk with friends who offer it with glazed eyes and the suggestion of escape. I never smoke cigarettes because I don’t want to be sad like my father on Christmas day who allows himself his Christmas Cigarette and looks both anxious and nostalgic and full of regret even though he always says “I have no regrets.” I don’t tell them any of these thoughts and feel inexplicably guilty for keeping them to myself.

    Walking home down the same street which now looks ominous. The sun has fully set itself (goodbye lovely streaks) and the moon is out, pale and menacing because it lights the faces of strange men who notice I am not wearing a bra. (Does the moon change character depending only on what it illuminates?) I walk quickly past the areas where men gather outside and discuss their monotonous lives punctuated by girls cute butts (the men are profoundly still; without question they lack meaningful direction).

    At this time of year the white hydrangeas look the most beautiful in rain or the light of dusk (I once cried while he was walking beside me; it was morning and a white hydrangea in the light rain as well as his hand in mine was enough beauty to both break and sustain me).

    With the lighter I light a bundle of sage. It is green and white sage. It smells like the forest and like something else I cannot name, which carries the weight of something reverent. After a while I run cold water over the wand of sage to quell the glowing embers before he is home and I am no longer with only myself.

  • 18

     It’s your first day of school, and your teacher’s really nice.
    She gives you a piece of paper and tells you to write
    About what you want to be when you grow up.
    You don’t know the answer, so you put “Ballerina”
    Just like everyone else, and draw a prettier version of yourself
    In a tutu, and a big smile on your face.
    Then in grade one, your teacher plays the clarinet
    And she asks you if you know what you want to be yet.
    This time you write “Singer”, because that’s what made you happy…
    Singing when your parents fought, and when you found out
    Your dad cheated on your mother, and tried to take your brother,
    So she punched him in the face.
    In fact, each year after that, they continue to ask you
    What it is you want to be, and you can never decide but
    You know you have to eventually, and your mom says
    You’re smart, so you can be a doctor, lawyer, a teacher,
    Or anything you want.
    Then, in grade four, you have your first “love”,
    You try to make friends, but they never really stay,
    You got used to your mom not being around,
    And your dad keeps forgetting your birthday.
    Every day, you go home to empty cupboards,
    And a new babysitter, sure to leave
    Because your mom lost her job, and can’t pay the fee.
    She hides in her room, with some guy you had a bad feeling about,
    from the second he walked into your house.
    You lie to your brother and sister: “Mommy’s alright”
    But she’s losing weight fast, and you haven’t slept in nights
    And who are these people, always knocking on the door?
    Asking if you’re home alone, and you know they know you’re lying but
    you don’t know where your mom got those bruises,
    And why she’s always crying.
    After grade six, you’re at a new school, in a new place,
    And you no longer live with your mom,
    She ran away to be with that guy, and you found out
    She smoked crack cocaine. No one will tell you what that is,
    You just know it’s a bad thing, and the kids
    Keep calling you names, like slut, and whore.
    You’re bullied senselessly, and start to realize that thirteen
    Isn’t what you hoped for anymore.
    All through junior high, every one has something bad to say,
    The teachers are on your case, demanding you get good grades,
    You need to succeed but think, “how the hell is Pythagoras
    Gonna help me?”, and every Thursday, you go to therapy
    Due to the thoughts in your head, and that poem you wrote
    Your teacher found, about how you wished you were dead,
    And you think that if only they would ask you now,
    What it is you want to be,
    You’d say “Happy.”
    In high school, they don’t ask, just assume you have a plan.
    You need to have one in order to succeed, but it’s just as unclear
    As it was in grade three. You’ve got depression, anxiety,
    And you’re always running away from the shit you have to face,
    Hoping it won’t catch up, you’re fast enough, and these sports teams
    And committees are just a distraction from reality because
    Of all the things people say make a difference in school,
    Is that what really matters compared to what you go home to?
    You haven’t seen your father in eight years, and he’s
    Threatening to put your mom in jail… she’s still with that guy you hate
    That started her on drugs when you were in the fourth grade,
    But she talks to you like nothing’s changed, and the thing is,
    You don’t care because it’s better than when she wasn’t there
    And you’re still running.
    Your friends are getting worried,
    And you keep telling them you’re fine,
    As you hide the scars on your wrist.
    And every one is drunk, all the damn time,
    Because we all hurt from something, and it takes away
    The pain. In the mirror, you can’t recognize your face, and
    It’s such a disgrace, how you just don’t give a fuck
    About growing up
    Because you already have fast enough.
    You aren’t daddy’s little girl, your mom treats you like a friend,
    So you get lost in your own world, dream of running away,
    or an end… Why should you stay?
    You’ve hated yourself for the last nine years and found
    That no one can seem to figure out what the fuck is wrong
    You’ve slit your wrists up and down every night and
    They’re all still asking you what you want to be when you grow up,
    Not if you’re alright,
    And the funny thing is,
    You don’t even know,
    If you’ll make it,
    That far.
    Now, you’ve made it out of grade 12… Does anyone know what they want to do?
    Not really, but you’re going to university, it’ll be a good change, an escape.
    And mom says you’re still smart, you’ll go far, and you realize
    You always have been, so gold star, and speaking of your mom,
    She’s getting better, even if your father’s still a dead-beat, no-go-getter,
    With two other kids, and an alcohol addiction, it doesn’t matter,
    You’re doing fine on your own, and when you feel alone, you dance in the kitchen
    Like a ballerina in a tutu, with a smile on your pretty face
    And at 2am when you can’t sleep, you write poetry, and you sing
    When you’re sad, and when you’re not, you sing even louder,
    And please, keep running.
    Because now,
    You wake up every morning, and get to know the face in the mirror.
    You have a reason to be alive; your brother, and your sister,
    You strive to survive, and even on the hardest day, you force that damn smile,
    And remind yourself, how fucking beautiful you really are
    Because you’ve made it this far
    And you will,
    Be happy.
  • The Missing Page

    The Missing Page

    I sat at the kitchen table while the storm raged outside like wild wolves, biting and tearing at the plains. Through the scalding steam of my tea I could see Christoph staring out the window of the den. He smoothed his white beard and puffed on his pipe in disconnected thought. The aroma of cinnamon tobacco drifted across the flitting flames of the fireplace behind him. Morality. Immorality. Resolution. Indecision.

    Erratic self-contemptuous reflections crawled their way through the corrugated folds of the pulsing mound of pregnable flesh lodged within his skull. His health was failing beyond measurable means, and as of late he had taken to referring to me simply as: “The American.” He had forgotten my name entirely, but there were some things that he could never forget. I knew more of him than he believed he knew of himself; I watched him always, like a hawk to a snake. He was reading that damned book again: ‘The Premature Burial of Dr. Matteucci’ or something along those lines. I had seen the book many times; the cover was tattered and the edges badly worn. Mould crept along the inside crease: a blue vein.

    Christoph pondered through few pages with his mind wandering from the yellowing paper to the scorching lashes of lightning, and he learned of a young physician of Naples who found misfortune and death. As the story goes, he and his partner were accused of medical malpractice that resulted in the death of a well-to-do fiancé of a prominent lawyer. Matteucci disappeared, but he was found hiding in an abandoned barn. His location was presumably given for the lawyer’s money.

    Before trial a band of besotted peasants tossed Matteucci into a coffin and buried him alive. The second doctor fled as well, but like a wraith, disappearing amidst the city’s mortar. Christoph believed that he may have encountered the text before, but when he sought to discover the result of the man’s fate he realized that the final page was absent. It was erased like a memory conceived in the darkness of sin. Christoph looked behind the laden bookshelf and under his chair. He crawled along the floor like a benighted infant, but he could not spot the page. It was missing.

    He approached the front door in a stupor, his hand clutching his jewelled cane. He weakly yelled for the American, but I was naturally there. I must admit, his behaviour was mildly alarming. He had never acted as such even in his most profound delusions. He professed the urgency to apprehend Phillip, his confidant, who was travelling to Linz to deliver a medical analysis for Mr. Flint’s practice. His worry was that Phillip would become stranded in the storm, but I had reason to believe that he had reached his destination many hours before his master’s coaxed concern. Nonetheless, I had no choice but to oblige, and without a moment’s hesitation two horses and a cart were prepared. The aging man drove himself down the cobbled path of the estate through the shrieking wind.

    Upon later questioning, he claimed he hadn’t travelled two miles before he saw Philipp trying to push his cart out of the mud. One of his horses veered off the road out of fright and the cart became stuck just inside a thicket of foliage. Philipp’s hair hung in his eyes and his tunic was stuck to his cold, wet skin. He gave a hesitant wave to the arrival of Christoph as his heart beat quickly with the fear of reprimand.

    Christoph tipped his hat and beckoned with a large hand for the page to come forward. “Gather the supplies from the cart and come with me. Someone will be along for the horses,” he said.

    Philipp grabbed some quilts from the cart and draped them over the backs of the hulking beasts. They breathed reams of hot air from their noses and nodded in approval as Philipp retrieved an armload of hay and placed it under the cart so that it wouldn’t get wet but they could still reach it. The horses wouldn’t be alone for long and he didn’t want to leave them, but Christoph waited impatiently with nothing more than a pipe and its fumes to keep him company in the cold. His impatience was accelerated by his belief in his good hospitality.

    The duo reached the estate shortly after midnight. I observed Christoph’s hulking gait from the upstairs bathroom window; I knew where he had been. Phillip was not with him. Phillip had arrived in Linz long ago. Christoph’s delusions of grandeur allowed him a façade of heroism and a fabricated narrative of rescue. The thinning rain revealed a burlap sack carried in two shaking arms made frail with age and regret.

    The loud cracks of thunder were softening with distance. The night grew still blacker, making the foreign land comforting to me in its universal darkness. I had finished drawing a hot bath upstairs when I heard the door open. It was a slow creak, a hesitant entrance. I slowly descended to the lobby, the overhead chandelier casting a soft glow in the otherwise dim house. In the den I could hear Christoph conversing.

    “Will you be having drinks?” I inquired in the doorway.

    “Dark rum will be fine,” Christoph muttered without looking in my eyes.

    Sitting in the chair opposite he was the corpse of the missing accomplice, albeit not the one that had travelled to Linz. Matteucci stared slack-jawed into the dripping eyes of his companion, his mutilated arms draped neatly on each side of the leather chair. Christoph fingered his muddied shovel nervously, sweat and rain mingling affectionately in the crevices of his forehead.

    I went to gather drinks. On the kitchen table next to my cold tea there sat a single page with ripped edges, long ago removed from its text by the man who traded friendship for bounty.

  • The Morning After

    The Morning After

    The man awoke at dawn from the profound slumber which could be born only of complete satisfaction. He stared up at the stucco ceiling for a moment to get his bearings, then turned his head slightly to the right. She was facing away from him, but he could see the tangle of long, blonde hair. He smiled.

    He silently slipped from the bed, barely disturbing the light cotton sheet as it lay across the pale curve of her shoulder. It was a large sleigh bed, conspicuously out of place in what was otherwise a modestly furnished apartment. He suspected it had been the gift of a family member, perhaps an aunt or grandmother. Otherwise, the apartment perfectly met the dichotomy of whimsical and serious which was effortlessly achieved by a young grad student. He walked over to a shelf on the bedroom wall: a teddy bear; a picture with friends, possibly rock climbing; a picture of Freud smoking a cigar. From there he walked to the window. The curtains were soft, a light cream with a pastel flower print. He gently pulled them tighter to shut out the morning sun which was already beginning to fall across her face, except where his dark form cast a shadow.

    He reveled in the early morning and preferred the solitude of his own mind. Coffee would be good, but it could wait a while. Aimlessly, he wandered over to her desk – a small, pale IKEA item in keeping with the general tone of the place, far more so than the elegant bed. There was a laptop open on the surface, together with scattered papers and an open textbook, its pages decorated with yellow and pink highlighter. He lifted the edge of the book to see its title. Abnormal Psychology. His gaze lingered on some of the highlighted passages. He smiled again. The innocent striving to understand the monsters of the world.

    He peered into the main room of the apartment; again, it was sparsely furnished, yet cheerful and pleasant. The modest kitchen included a full-sized refrigerator, covered with photos, mementos, and other evidence of a life enjoyed. Rather than a couch there were a futon and a couple of mismatched chairs, all in subtle, spring-like tones and all working well together, in spite of their basic differences. There was a small television in the corner, but it was clearly not the focus of the room. Magazines on the coffee table pointed once again to the complex nature of the apartment’s resident. Scholarly reading was mixed with sports and fashion. She was clearly intelligent; he could attest that she was athletic, and yet, at heart, she was a young woman in search of her identity.

    He made his way to the small washroom, neat and tidy except for the cornucopia of chemicals and products on the counter by the sink. He thought of her sparkling blue eyes, the slightly crooked yet radiant smile, the soft skin. She didn’t need all of these beauty products, he decided. She would be stunning even without them. He felt truly enriched to have met her, a fortuitous chance encounter he would treasure.

    He looked into the mirror and stretched, then smiled widely once more. It had been too long since he had allowed himself such complete release. A night of passion and magic, after which the dawn had come all too soon.

    “I wonder what her name was,” he pondered, absently, as he began to wash the blood from his hands.

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