Tag: brew review

This is it, eh? This is gonna be the last Jon Smith beer review for the Athenaeum. It’s been a good two years of this complete nonsense, so writing my last article is kind of bittersweet. Thanks to Andrew Haskett for being an absolute madman, and to Kody Crowell for stuff. I can’t wait to see what kind of stupid title you bastards have for me on this final article. Today I’m reviewing the Nine Lock Extra Special Bitter, because I’m very bitter but I’m also very special according to some choice relatives.

The beer pours an amber brown, like contaminated water but much tastier. On the nose there are hints of light caramel, and a mild nutty/oaky kind of scent. The mouthfeel is standard and inoffensive, with some pesky bitterness poking its head through. There is a slight unpleasant sourness to the beer but I’m sure if I was much drunker I’d mind it less, like being at the Vil or watching live folk. The taste is very nutty, with more of that caramel taste coming through and a hint of chocolate. The maltiness is strong here, giving it that characteristic English ale vibe. The body sits solidly in the nook between light and dark, like Kylo Ren or Obama. The aftertaste holds a trace of grassy hoppy bitterness, and what I imagine wood tastes like.

This beer is alright, I guess. I probably should have chosen a more flamboyant and wild beer to end off my reviews. It’s the kind of beer I’d have after a good long day at the factory when I take the tram into town and sit down with my chaps at the pub just having a laugh about the absolute rubbish Manchester United score last night. Even though I’ve never been to England, there’s something identically English about this type of beer – it awakens the blood of my extremely white ancestors. Far be it from me to ignore such a calling, so I’m off to get even more drunk (drunker?). Hope you had a good year!

Pairs well with: Fish and chips, loud parliamentary politics

‘Twas the night before Cheaton, and all through the res, not a drunkard was cheering. Not even the prez! The tie dyes were hung round the hallway with care, in hopes that the turnt up folks soon would be there. The froshies were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of getting laid danced in their head. The RA in their polo, and I in my cap, with my Trojans real close so I don’t get the clap. When out in the quad there were bros all a clatter, I sprang from my dorm to see which one was fatter. I went to the window, I flew like a flash. The Chipman fuccbois were all baring their ass! The moon on the cheeks of the new student bros, gave a lustre of beauty to the objects below. Etc. Etc.

Anyway, it’s Cheatmas Eve and I’m reviewing Belgian Moon Belgian White. I dunno how it pours because I’m just drinking it out of the can, so I also don’t know what the head looks like or the color of the beer, but I assume it’s alright. The mouthfeel of the beer is mild, with a tingle of carbonation and nothing too unpleasant. It’s a little sour and watery but that’s kinda what I’d expect from a macrobrew like this. The body is very light, but reminiscent of the more expensive Belgian white ales you’d find at the top of the shelf for ridiculous prices. It feels kinda like an imitation of the real thing, but I’d probably enjoy it more if it was my 6^th or 7^th beer of the night. Belgian Moon is to real Belgian beer what [Walmart version of thing] is to [thing]. The taste has the same sweet citrus hint that normal Belgian ales have but without, you know, being very good. The aftertaste reminds you that you are really just drinking a Coors with lemon juice in it.

This beer is fine. It’s not that good. I had a lot more fun writing that rhyme than I did drinking the beer, but I’m still gonna finish it because it’s cold and I paid for it. I know that this article is gonna come out after CHeaton so this is all in the past, but have a happy Saturday. May your beers run cold and your naps run short.

Summary: Not that good, but Merry Cheatmas I guess?