Tag: creative writing

  • The Statue’s Song

    The Statue’s Song

    Let me tell you about the saddest song in the world.

    I have heard many songs in my time, from opera houses to cheap taverns. From soaring angelic chorus, to the chitter-chant of demons.

    But none are quite so sad or beautiful as this.

    It was in a dive bar, the kind of place with neon signs, sticky tables, folks in trench coats, and at least one murder within the last year.

    It was my kind of place. But on this day, I had not been planning to stop by. On this day, everything was far too much and I was far too little and all the world sounded like it was being played through cheap speakers.

    All I wanted was to sit at the bottom of the river for a few hours to get my breath back.

    But on the way to the river, I heard it. A sound like the sky was wailing. A sound like the feeling of mascara running down your face. A sound like if diamonds had a voice.

    The singer stood tall in front of the piano, a marble statue carved slowly by the wind.

    I’m not being poetic: she was literally a weather-worn statue. She was beautiful.

    The audience tastefully averted their eyes as she sang, to preserve the modesty of her stone lips moving. I sat down and placed my hat over my eyes.

    By the time the song was done, the tears were ankle deep on the floor.

    I approached her at the end. She stood perfectly still as the audience began to move towards the exit sign. No applause. No praise. Just tears.

    “Thank you”, I whispered to her. As I spoke, the rest of the crowd collapsed, clutching their bleeding ears.

    The room went still and eerily quiet. I peered at the statue one final time before turning to leave, and without lifting her eyes to meet mine, she echoed a whisper across the room.

    “You’re welcome.”

  • Sleep Never Comes Easy

    Sleep never comes easy. I don’t know if the headache is physical or emotional in nature. My thoughts cause more problems than they solve. I wish someone had understood me 14 years ago when it was going on. I wish I had known I should have told someone. Despite knowing better I still blame myself for the things I did and did not do when I was 5. The pressure I place on the character who lives in my early memories is beyond the expectations I hold for myself today. I wish that he recoiled from the situation I see as I flinch from any motion that bridges the gap in my brain between this little boy and myself. Imagining the different paths that would have been available to the boy in my memories if he had not been taken down the dark and twisted path chosen by someone older and stronger is painful. The marks left on me were not scars, but camouflage. Hiding my emotions from others and myself was a mistake. Is a mistake. Pain is the result, sometimes my own, sometimes for others. Writing is the outlet that hurts the least. I wish I had known that sooner.

  • Untitled

    He was drugs and drugs were him. They were circling through his system as oxygen would. He floated among the clouds as the drugs suffered the day. When the drugs came back home and put their head on the pillow, he came falling from those clouds, crashing against the bed where his body sleeps. The drugs then get up and leave, leaving him alone. He would toss and turn.

    Toss and turn.

    Toss and turn.

    No sleep. He wanted the drugs to come back and rock his aching mind and body back to sleep. He wanted the to come back and distract his mind from those horrifying thoughts and memories that circulated in his head. His mind gave him not one moment of peace.

    6 hours of this.

    No, he could not do it, but he must. He must. He needs a break from drugs, to show himself and others he did not need them, but he loved them so very much. They were the only things who truly understood him. They were the only things who didn’t judge him. They even took over his body when he asked them to allow him to escape the earthly chains of hell.

    Hell. Hell on earth is where he lived. He knew he must get out, but if he left, drugs would be left alone. No one would go talk to them. No one would be friends, then lovers with them as he had become. He could not leave his beloved drugs in this world alone.

    But he needs to get out, leave this world for another. He romanticizes it. It must be a bittersweet end. He imagines tasting a bittersweet taste as he leaves this world. If only he was a dog. They have the life: just lie in the sun all day then play and be fed. Not having a single worry in the world. Or a cat, just get drugs and get pampered. It is okay to be a bitch if you are a cat. You are a cat.

    It must be nice to have someone look out for you. People around stopped caring. All of them. They did not care what he did with himself. They found out he had started going out with Mary Jane, they all stopped talking to him. Leaving him alone. Then he started whoring himself out to Acid and Shrooms and Molly. He had a brief encounter with Chris Dolmeth and Mescaline. He then fell in love with several Hashishes: the Afghan, the Nepalese, and the Moroccan. These were his friends, because all the other ones had left. These were his family, because the others did not give a shit. These were his role models, because no one else seemed to show an interest and look out for him.

    He should leave. Yes, he should. He did not want to be alone though. He called them all up, begging them to come over. After calling and waiting for an hour, they were all there. His friends. His family. Drugs.

    He began to caress and make love to them. Allowing them to enter his body and stay there. He was in his clouds. The drugs had their body. He was drugs and drugs were him.

    He placed the metal cylinder into his mouth. The metal tasted bittersweet. He muttered the incomprehensible words, he did not even understand what he had said, but he knew they understood. He closed his eyes. He let a breath out.

    Bang.

  • Beautiful

    Look in the mirror and put on your face.
    Some waterproof mascara frames each eye
    because you must be prepared just in case
    your day turns from bad to worse and you cry.
    If a tear should fall, you will have to soothe
    yourself by feeling the bumps in your braid.
    Despite the dips and curves, your hair is smooth.
    Use this as fuel–be proud of what you’ve made.
    Take a deep breath, wipe the tears from your shirt.
    If not for you, do this for your lover,
    hide best as you can the fear and the hurt.
    Use your appearance, don’t blow your cover.
    Look, dress and act as a little cutie.
    Isn’t that the true meaning of beauty?
  • A Crash In The Distance

    A Crash In The Distance

    Waves crash against the sand in the distance as I look along the beach in the dim, blue light of nautical twilight. I can taste salt on my skin when I lick my dry lips where I had been biting them during the anxieties of the day. The sand feels like ice between my toes as the warmth of the sun dissipates. My dress brushes lightly against my thighs and to stop the tickling I sit down and sink into the dune. Somewhere a fire burns, adding light to a rapidly darkening scene, but I can’t see it. Knowing it is there however, brings a smile to my lips and I close my eyes to continue listening to the crash of the waves in the distance. When I open my eyes again I find your hand on my shoulder and realize the crash of the waves have climbed further up the beach, and they are not so far in the distance anymore
  • Help

    “I woke staring at the ceiling. I just laid there, not moving. I just watched as the shadows danced around the ceiling. They moved so slowly but elegantly. They moved to the drum in my chest and my ears. Their forms morphing to and from, graceful creatures and beautiful monsters of the imagination. I felt my blood being pumped throughout my body. I felt full. I felt alive. Then there was suddenly a hole.”

    “Where was this hole?”

    “It was where your heart is supposed to be, where it is supposed to be to wait for someone to aid it to beat, where it was suppose to work and help me feel something. I felt nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Emptiness seemed to swirl in a vortex consuming everything around it—slowly spreading. I felt as if I were dying. My internal organs were eating themselves inside out. It spread and spread and spread. I just laid. I did nothing. I couldn’t do anything. My limbs seemed to give up. My brain screamed in protest and told me to let the darkness take me whole. It told me it would make things better.

    “It wouldn’t have been so bad. My soul, my soul revolted. It refused to die out. It refused to leave this realm to go to Valhalla. It refused to stop fighting. It still had some fight left. When the darkness touched my soul, chaos erupted. A giant mosh pit of emptiness and emotion collided. I felt the tremors of that giant combustion on my insides. The pain was intense. I cannot take it anymore.”

    He had taken out his heart and had put it out there, in the air, for her to see. He had unlocked himself once more to let her in. He wanted someone to fill the vacancy in his heart. He wanted her to understand. He wanted her to care.

    “You need help,” she said indifferently yet delicately. “ You need to take some Zoloft. It will make things better.”

    She didn’t get the message. She didn’t take the hint. He had shown her his heart and she had paid no attention to it. She looked through like it was invisible. Like there was nothing there already. The pain in his eyes were far beyond repair. She had dropped Fat Man and he was destroyed.

    “Here, I have some in my purse.”

    She pretended to rummage through her purse, but in truth she knew exactly where they were. She drew it out carefully like it was a precious gem sent to earth from heaven. He took it from her shaking hands and opened the little bottle.

    He got up and started walking.

    “Where the fuck are you going?”

    She hurried after him.

    He entered the bathroom.

    “What in God’s name are you going to do in there?”

    He lifted the toilet seat and extended his arm. His arm slowly turned. The pills fell into the water.

    She screamed.

    “What the hell!?! I was only trying to help. You’re going to pay me back for those…” She continued on as she dove to salvage some pills. He didn’t listen.

    He pushed her away and flushed and flushed and flushed.

    Her screaming were reduced to sobs. He bent over and whispered into her ear: “ You need help.”

    He stood up and walked out the door.

  • A Halloween Scare

    Trying to be silent
    And not show any fear
    With darkness as a cover
    For things that are too near
    My footsteps echo slowly
    Down this creaky hallway floor
    My only sweaty focus
    The haunched white figure standing in the
    Door.
    The only way around it
    Is to inch past scaley skin
    Behind me people scream
    And I’m sorry God that I have sinned
    But the screaming turns to laughter
    And I break into the light
    We made it through the haunted house
    Never again do I want this freight
  • Cold Darkness

    Her eyelids feel like iron slabs, but her body and mind won’t rest. The cold air of October leaks into her little room to battle and win against the tiny space heater she manages to shove into the corner among her mess of clothes, drafts of essay papers, and toys her son had strewn there earlier that day. She wraps the blanket tighter against her warmest pair of jeans and thickest hoodie and wonders if she really remembered to turn off the cooktop. As sleep creeps closer to her, she hears from the kitchen the scream of her son piercing through her veins. Throwing the blanket off her body she runs in sock feet to the kitchen to find the cooktop turned off and no one in the room. Her heart pounding, she crosses the trailer to her son’s room, where she finds him sleeping soundly with the blanket pulled tight over his soft blonde hair. A tiny wheeze escapes his lungs with each breath and she makes a mental note to get him to see a doctor this week. She closes his door to a crack and tells herself she was just lucid dreaming again. Climbing into her bed again, she takes a deep breath and before she can expel the entire breath, fast, hard stomps pound in her ears and her eyes tear open to the sight of her son, a smile, and the glint of a knife before it slides across her throat.

  • You, Me & Bitter Coffee: A Love Story

    A good typical love story has a happy ending, a good typical love story is made, not written at three in the morning mere hours before the start of a busy work day. This story is not that. Like the coffee it contains, it is mostly bitter and without enough milk or sugar to suit my tastes.
    It begins at an ending. High school graduation we sat next to each other, not by choice. Our last names happened to align. Maybe some day, if things are different between us, I will include them here and be proud of the story I’ve written about howI fell in love with you. As things currently stand I don’t expect that to be the case. The ceremony begins, I don’t remember it. I remember the photo I took of us, the selfie you instructed me on because I had never tried to take a good one. That photo remains only in my memory. Every dark and subtle detail of the two of us in cap and gown exists only in my mind. Deleted in one of my ever more frequent attempts to rid myself of the feelings deep within me that only you bring to the surface. The highlight of my evening was in two parts. The thrill of tearing open my gown on stage to reveal the skin tight batman shirt I had on underneath was not one of them. The look of excitement, wonder, and joy I got to see from you when I returned to the seat beside you certainly was. I am absolutely certain that is the same look I gave you upon your winning of the highest academic achievement award. However shallow of me it may be, it was then that I first took you seriously. Not because of the award, but because of your reaction to it. You almost seemed embarrassed, and that was a feeling I knew well. With that reaction it clicked to me that we could be good for each other. The record will show I was certainly correct in some sense on that point – though not exactly in the way I had wished. We went to safe grad. Somehow, I had managed to get your number during graduation and we texted on and off throughout the night, it was pleasant. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t seem to find you that night. At the time I thought I had blown a great opportunity, and I may have done so.
    Summer went along and we kept in touch, something I rarely did even with established friends, but you were special already, so that is of little note. It was during this time I know I started to fall for you. I was on a very boring, mostly empty city bus. I sat facing backwards beside the window, I had my nose in a book. Looking up I happened to catch the world in a rare perfect moment. The sun glistened off the harbour far below, not a single cloud to obstruct it, only a few to provide it with a frame to sit in. The air suddenly was lighter and smelled of sweet grasses, not diesel. I had only one thought in that moment. And so I texted it to you. I meant to put the words here but I don’t dare remember because I know pain is all they will bring. Not serious nor terrible pain. Just the pain a child feels when letting go of a helium balloon – just that pain, except in my heart. That particular scene on that particular day remains my favourite of all the moments I have ever lived, and my only desire in that moment was to share it with you. I’ve since shared wonderful and incredible times with you, but they have all been tainted by texts sent later in the summer, and the messages they carried to me.
    At first you didn’t feel like it was a good time to date, and so I waited. Then there wasn’t anyone you wanted to date and so I was the closest friend I could be. And then you got a girlfriend, and I was heartbroken. Thankfully you provided the distraction I needed from the news along with the news. My mind still reeled for days, actually that’s a lie. I still don’t have a good grasp of it many months later. I’m getting ahead of myself, skipping the relationship I had with you that you never signed up for.
    We started at university together, finding comfort in one another’s company in a strange new world. You needed a friend, and I simply needed you. Our walk through the gardens was the most cliché and romantic date I could think of. It would have only been better if it were actually a date. We debated what types of flowers grew where, which ones were prettiest, and the entire time I simply hoped to have our fingers intertwined instead of simply brushing together. I gave up on the second try, or at least I planned to. The discovery of the small and simple waterfall changed that. We were both equally excited about it, you because of the waterfall, the natural beauty of it. I was of course excited because you were excited, and saw that bring out your own natural beauty. I fear now that any time I go there I will only be able to think of you, and without a great change I wouldn’t dare bring anyone else there. It ended the way most of our time together has – and will continue to end – with my insisting to walk you home making sure you are safe. You bring out the best in me – my confidence, comfort, and strength. It takes more than I can manage to imagine what I will do without you in my life, you’ve been a great advisor and an even better friend, and I honestly wish that was all I wanted you to be.
    Midterms would bring coffee back into our story. You were a huge fan of it, it did everything I wanted to do for you – it kept you warm, helped you succeed, it was there late at night and early in the morning, it even helped pay the bills. That may be a bit of a stretch, but then everything was for me when you were involved. I gave you 110% and I think enough time has passed that I can admit my grades suffered because of how I felt, my friendships as well, even my partying was reduced, though that is likely for the better. I spent more time studying with you for your courses than I did my own, I pushed myself harder for you than I ever did for myself. In return I got homemade sodas and coffee, neither I really liked, but I loved them both because I associated them with you, and when I had them I was with you.
    I’ve seen exactly one scene from the Notebook, it’s the one with them laying down in the middle of the road watching the stoplights. Our town didn’t have stoplights, but it did have something even more romantic: snowstorms. I personally believe that our walk on that stormy night down the middle of the road beat the hell out of any scene in any movie in terms of chemistry, it also beat the hell out of my mark in chemistry.
    It was beautiful, it was exactly everything I hoped I would be able to offer to you as a partner in your life. That didn’t line up with what you needed and I’m not going to cry now thinking of you and your girlfriend being together. I have also just realized I can never send you this. You are too good a person, you’d feel guilty and I can’t ever put those feelings on you.
    That’s a rough outline of what I want to say, though there is more of course. The time we got shitfaced on rum and eggnog and you sat quietly and suffered with your secrets while we all spilled ours, the time you told me you were ace. The day I feel the worst about, the lunar eclipse. Job hunting, lunch at the cafe, open mic night at T.A.N., our adventures to Three Pools and all over the Valley. Our story isn’t one continuous love story. It’s the story of a simple, foolish boy falling in love with the most beautiful girl in a totally different way every single time they meet.
  • Untitled

    it is tiny and insignificant and it can fill you with fuel and send you up in flames. it is
    ignorant, arrogant, and insolent and most unfortunately – indifferent. you are a tower with
    sound supports, weathered granite casing, weak inner walls, and locked doors.
    it can be found in the lines on your skin and the tightening of your throat when you try to eat.
    it is not enough for your heart and too much for your stomach, concaving your chest and
    exploding it at once.
    it is him and you are me.
  • Choices

    Get ready get set it’s time to go
    fighting a battle but only you know
    Constantly watching never stopping
    Desperately wanting A new way out
    No reason to stay they all went away
    no one will pray or hear you shout
    The one that’s inside never dies
    It will take over don’t close your eyes
    Fighting through all the deceit and lies
    Its finally time to cut loose those ties
    Just keep on walking bring your demise
    For all around it is no surprise
    Look around as nobody tries
    to help you out the outer you cries
    Grab the knife start the fire
    maybe get wood for the pyre
    Everything everyday falls upon you
    You try to handle don’t know what to do
    and before your voice breaks through
    You let the rope snap your neck in two
    But here is the thing life did not end
    Tell me why that is my dearest friend.
    Could it be that the world has won?
    Is this a sign your time is not done?
    Look around you what do you see,
    Family and friends in agony,
    Your mother crying on what you would be,
    Your father grieving down on one knee,
    Your brother or sister clinging tightly
    To the bed where you lie formally.
    Why do I bother to tell you these facts
    Look at how much your loved ones react!
    You are young and have a reason to live
    The world might take much more than it gives
    but know that your life is not a pawn
    not just an item sprawled out on the lawn
    Everyone matters
    Everyone should care.
    Think one more time
    and don’t just stare
    At that image in the mirror saying give in.
    Life is a gift and the line is too thin
    Put on a smile lift up that chin
    Don’t let the evil win
    You are as beautiful as the stars of the night,
    but now it’s time,
    You choose what’s right.
  • Road Trip

    Road Trip

     

    We darted out from the wooded grove and into a flat, open expanse, where fields of canola and corn and fallow land spread far into the flat horizon, studded with silver mountains and the blue sky was laced with wisps of white cloud. Pale shades of yellow blended with deep greens and red dirt. Deep grooves in the earth ran parallel to each other, each without ending or beginning on either side of the road. The golden line we followed stretched onwards against the hot asphalt, snaking round shallow coulees and rolling hills.

     

    As the engine hummed and tires beat against the pavement, you watched the fence posts flash by too fast to see the names on the mailboxes from the roadside. Occasionally, we’d pass an abandoned farmhouse occupied by squatters, or a wooden barn with the roof collapsed and the paint chipped. There was a scarecrow in one of the fields. Ugly, black crows rested upon its arms. They had picked the eyes out and the hat had long since blown away in the wind. You turned your head to look at me, your light blue eyes were subdued by the bright sun behind you. It looked as though you had been crying.

     

    I remember in the winter, when we had first walked down to the green space together. Around and around the track we walked, hours upon hours, until our conversation started to falter and you split and left me standing alone in the field. The snow danced around you as you walked away, out from the lighted paths and into the night. The look you gave me as you glanced back over your shoulder was the same you gave me then, in the car: your face was still darkened, but I could see the outlines of your furrowed brow and pursed lips, and your head was surrounded by the bright earth in the window behind you, a halo of rapeseed and wheat.

     

    This was a look of lonely hurt, of fear, and of confusion. It marked a coming change – a new era in our lives. Red lights flashed up ahead, signalling the approaching cargo train. The striped barriers descended. The engine driver waved his hat at us as he passed, and a deep rattle persisted as the flatcars moved by carrying no containers on their back. We sat idling and watched them go, and talked for half an hour or so until we had made up our minds. The decision was reached there at that silent junction, long after the bars had risen and the slow heavy train had disappeared from sight and slipped quietly between the mountains.

  • while briefly alone

    Walking alone at night on the third day of fall not wearing a bra; walking to the store to buy a lighter – hair loose and makeup is fading, smiley lips at the busy busy people with their various lives – I look like I’m going somewhere by the way I gaze ahead and slightly skyward and the way the heels of my boots sound on the ground (he told me once that he is in love with the sound of my footsteps on wet pavement).

    I’m not going anywhere, really- the lighter was an excuse to get out of the house and to have a sense of direction in my wandering down Main Street along with other beautiful and ugly and tired and alive people (I wonder if they have meaningful direction, and if such meaningful direction can be revealed by the speed at which people walk).

    In the convenience store I ask for a lighter (they quietly wonder ‘what does she smoke?’) and I want to tell them that I don’t smoke much weed unless I’m drunk with friends who offer it with glazed eyes and the suggestion of escape. I never smoke cigarettes because I don’t want to be sad like my father on Christmas day who allows himself his Christmas Cigarette and looks both anxious and nostalgic and full of regret even though he always says “I have no regrets.” I don’t tell them any of these thoughts and feel inexplicably guilty for keeping them to myself.

    Walking home down the same street which now looks ominous. The sun has fully set itself (goodbye lovely streaks) and the moon is out, pale and menacing because it lights the faces of strange men who notice I am not wearing a bra. (Does the moon change character depending only on what it illuminates?) I walk quickly past the areas where men gather outside and discuss their monotonous lives punctuated by girls cute butts (the men are profoundly still; without question they lack meaningful direction).

    At this time of year the white hydrangeas look the most beautiful in rain or the light of dusk (I once cried while he was walking beside me; it was morning and a white hydrangea in the light rain as well as his hand in mine was enough beauty to both break and sustain me).

    With the lighter I light a bundle of sage. It is green and white sage. It smells like the forest and like something else I cannot name, which carries the weight of something reverent. After a while I run cold water over the wand of sage to quell the glowing embers before he is home and I am no longer with only myself.

Betzillo positions itself as a versatile gaming hub where structured bonuses and adaptive gameplay mechanics support both short sessions and extended play.

Built with a focus on innovation, Spinbit integrates modern casino architecture with rapid transactions, appealing to players who value speed and digital efficiency.

Ripper Casino emphasizes bold entertainment through high-impact slot titles and competitive promotions crafted for risk-oriented players.

A friendly interface and stable performance define Ricky Casino, offering a casual yet reliable environment for a wide spectrum of gaming preferences.

King Billy Casino channels classic casino spirit into a modern platform, delivering recognizable themes supported by contemporary reward systems.

Immersive visuals and layered slot mechanics are at the core of Dragonslots, creating a narrative-driven casino experience.

Lukki Casino appeals to players seeking direct access and minimal friction, focusing on fast loading times and intuitive controls.

Casinonic provides a structured and dependable gaming framework, blending modern slots with transparent operational standards.