The Athenaeum

Tag: lgbtq

  • Why Everyone Should Watch This Is Us

    Why Everyone Should Watch This Is Us

    This Is Us, a popular TV drama, is one of my favorite shows of all time. There are so many reasons for this, but I’ve only listed a few. I hope it inspires you to start watching it, too.

     

    1. It teaches life lessons

    Without spoiling too much, there are many examples throughout the show of characters who struggle with such real issues that viewers can’t help but learn and grow alongside them. One of the times I felt myself most invested in the characters’ lives was when a young girl tells her parents she’s gay. I had never truly understood the difficulties that come with this. Although I’ve still never personally experienced it, and therefore can’t fully comprehend what it’s like to go through, the show’s depiction of one person’s experience allowed me to get a glimpse at how hard that can be. I now have a much deeper appreciation for the pain people go through just to be themselves.

    We also see topics such as alcoholism, adoption, racism, toxic relationships, mental health, and so many others being explored so openly. The show has allowed me to think about these things more profoundly and to learn from the characters’ experiences. Through the characters’ struggles, the show tells us that it’s okay, and that it’s normal, to experience the things they do.

     

    1. You feel like you’re a part of the characters’ lives

    The producers are extremely talented in making you invested in the storylines of the characters by creating the feeling that you know them personally. Since they are so vulnerable, viewers feel like they are there with them, learning, helping, and growing. One of the characters in the show experiences panic attacks and anxiety. By depicting this so openly, it’s easy to feel like you’re experiencing those moments with him. This may make you reflect on similar situations from your own life, which connects you to the show that much more.

     

    1. There is so much love

    Since the show follows the main characters from birth to adulthood, viewers experience different types of love throughout their entire lives. We see supportive and healthy relationships, as well as toxic examples of love. Familial love is the base of the entire show as it’s represented through arguments, sacrifices, and hardships. Romance is another huge part of the series, with passionate love stories, divorce, and love in the LGBTQ+ community all being explored. There is also a focus on the characters’ adoration for friends, pets, music, and other passions in life. All of this love makes the show so much more appealing.

     

    1. You’ll feel every emotion

    If you ask anyone else who’s seen the series, they’ll either tell you that it’s the most amazing show they’ve ever seen, or that it’s the most amazing show they’ve ever seen but they can’t watch it anymore because it makes them cry every time they watch it. The vulnerability of the characters gives everyone something to relate to, which is often a cause for tears. The show is also hilarious. With the close bond the siblings have comes humour that families can relate to. The fact that the characters’ stories can make viewers cry and laugh simultaneously is rare.

  • Being Bisexual…what’s new?

    Being Bisexual…what’s new?

    I have always been a very active individual, loving athletics, trying almost all sports in grade school and high school, and being a part of the Cross-Country team at Acadia during my undergraduate career. I attended a private girl’s school and was surrounded by female coaches who believed in the girls they were teaching.

    In high school, I knew that I found girls attractive but I wasn’t sure what that meant. I have been asked if I was gay and I immediately resisted that label. My thoughts around identity politics used to be summarised by two questions that I posed to myself “why are we, as a society, so obsessed with the need to self-identify?”, “Why can’t someone just say I love men and women and that is good with me”.

    I have thought about this question a lot, addressing it in a way that will hopefully create positive dialogues. I believe that you shouldn’t have to self-identify, it should be a choice, if you want to, then go forward and say it out loud. But as an introvert it took me a long time to become okay with my sexuality. Not an uncommon phenomenon.

    While studying Sociology in university, the importance of formal structures and institutions largely determine how heteronormative relationships are prioritised in our society as a whole. Gay marriage is still illegal in many countries and punishable by death. There are communities rallying together to rise up against the oppressive nature of patriarchal values, whose role in sexuality is significant, to say the least.

    During my junior year of university, I told my dear friend that I had a keen interest in women and she was nothing but a true-blue friend who actively supported me and allowed me to feel proud of being bisexual. I knew that there was a lot of stereotyping surrounding bisexual individuals even from members of the LGBTQ+ community.

    Some individuals believe that bisexuals are unfaithful, confused, immoral, and just straight and experimenting. The thought of an individual who loves men and women, and the importance of trans individuals is crucial to mention, especially their powerful role in shaping our communities.

    When I realised in university that this was NOT only a phase but a true reflection of my own attraction to men and women, I allowed myself the freedom to tell my close friends and family. Six years later I can say that I am proud of my bisexual self-label. I chose to acknowledge it because I knew without it, I wouldn’t be being true to myself while simultaneously undermining the work of the LGBTQ+ community at large.

    I have looked up to women my entire life and am now seeing a political climate that is changing positively, but slowly. I see women who are proud of their work, proud of their accomplishments, women who have come out in the LBTG+ community. Women who are starting revolutions and fostering change for the good of humanity. Women have always been working for change, but I believe that work is truly starting to connect us globally.

    What I would like to remind individuals who don’t identify as a part of the LBGTQ+ community is that sexuality is fluid, and judging others for their sexuality is unfair and oppressive. I am not confused. Bisexuality is just as valid a form of sexuality as any other. Women loving women is beautiful. Women loving men and women should be normalised. Men loving men is beautiful. Trans people deserve love and respect. LOVE IS LOVE.

  • Decolonizing Desirers

    Decolonizing Desirers

    Decolonizing Desirers is a zine created by Al Cusack and River Pictou.

    The zine, a small, self-published book, was created as a project for Al’s Sociology of Health class at St. Thomas University. Although the class is what prompted the creation of the zine, the idea had been in the backs of their minds for a while: Al aspires to one day be a sex educator and River is an Indigenous person who wants to help spread knowledge and awareness to issues present in our society.

    This zine will hopefully be a building block for other health and sexuality materials the pair will create targeted towards indigenous youth, and indeed all youth who want to learn, and to decolonize themselves as well as the world in which they live. The original idea for the zine came from Al, a white settler in a relationship with an Indigenous person, who works hard to acknowledge the colonial concepts that they have been raised with.

    According to Al: “In my Sociology of Health class, we were assigned to create a health promotion campaign that creatively addresses a health issue. Since I wanted to address sexual health from a social justice perspective, I decided to tackle queer sexual health among Indigenous people. We found in our class that queer and Indigenous people experience poorer health than the general population, and that people at the intersections of marginalized identities can face even bigger challenges in accessing healthcare services. So, I decided to address the issue using a zine, because that would allow us to create a more engaging, reflective, and informative resource than if we had tried to make a poster or write an academic article.”

    While creating this zine, challenges arose. Some were related to scheduling conflicts and to the physical distance between the people creating the zine, and others arose from a lack of traditional Indigenous knowledge. Because this zine was being created as a way to discuss relationships, and specifically those of Indigenous youth, focus was placed on including Indigenous beliefs. However, due to colonization, it is difficult for Indigenous youth to know how to access Indigenous knowledge. The zine was therefore needed, but its creation was challenging due to the limited avenues available for finding this type of information. River had to rely on teachings from their childhood which they spent attending school on a reservation in rural Nova Scotia.

    Why did you choose the colour and designs you did?

    “The pink triangle is a lesser known symbol of the LGBTQ+ community. It was used on the uniforms of LGBTQ+ concentration camp prisoners during World War II. The symbol was reclaimed by LGBTQ+ activists to show that being marked as queer was something to take pride in, not to be ashamed of.  It was widely used in the Act Up movement during the AIDS crisis of the 1980s, and so it made sense to use it for the zine as an homage to our heritage of resistance in the queer community,” says Al.

    The feather is a symbol of importance to indigenous cultures.

    In Al’s words; “The feathers on the triangle serve to represent the Indigenous community. Eagle feathers are widely regarded as sacred symbols in many Indigenous nations, representing the Seven Sacred Teachings of Mi’kmaq culture and a connection to the land and the Creator.  It was important for us to use this symbol in the zine because Indigenous conceptualizations of health are so much more holistic than their settler counterparts, and so reminding our readers that they are connected to the land and their heritage mattered.”

    Due to colonization, many Indigenous communities do not openly accept LGBTQ members as they once did. This is a by-product of colonial contact. This zine hopes to be one of the first steps toward raising awareness and creating acceptance for the LGBTQ community within Indigenous cultures.

    River and Al hope to go back through the zine and edit it once more, refine some details and ensure that the information it contains is factual and coherent. They hope that this zine may become part of a series of zines on the topic of decolonizing many aspects of life, including relationships, home life, and health. We live in a society that is very focused on biomedical health and healing, but, with these zines, River and Al hope to take a holistic approach.

     

    River Pictou is a second-year triple major in Chemistry, Biology and Sociology.

  • Coming out: My Story

     

    Coming out is hard regardless of whether it be relates to your gender identity or sexual orientation. On February 20th 2018, I finally accepted my sexual orientation as a bisexual individual. This was the part of a multi-year process filled with confusion, pain, and also excitement.

    In grade eight, I was a happy young hockey player without a care in the world – besides a naive dream of making it to the National Hockey League. It had been a rough year, and I had been the subject of bullying and hazing among my team mates. One of the many slurs I was subjected to was “gay” and team mates often made jokes about me liking men and wanting to join them in the shower. Then one day things escalated drastically – before practice I was sexually assaulted by a team mate. It happened again on another occasion, and I went into a depressive whirlwind before I finally broke down to my parents one night. I am super thankful I had them as supports, but the event left me hurt, isolated, and confused. I did not enjoy what happened, but it opened my eyes to the possibility that some individuals liked the opposite sex, a notion that was foreign to me in the conservative town I called home.

    I arrived at Acadia in a fresh environment free from my past connections and was free to create my own story. At Acadia, I could reinvent myself, or perhaps even find out who I truly was. On one of my first days here I met a transitioning trans gender individual who I eyed suspiciously. Today I am proud to call this individual a friend and am thankful for the exposure and advocacy they have gave to the LGBTQ+ community. Soon enough, I too began to question my identity, specifically regarding whether I was sexually attracted to both men and women; or in other words, bisexual.

    The “gay” name calling greeted me at Acadia, and I was told time and time again that there was no way I could be straight because: 1) I was too nice 2) I dressed nice and did my hair and 3) I only hung out with girls. These were actual stereotypes I was met with, and I think its crazy that in 2014 (and today)  people feel the need to label others. These labels made me confused because they were all true, but I wasn’t too sure about how I felt about men. For one, I was girl crazy, and had had a girlfriend all through high school. I could admit a guy was attractive because the majority of my friends were girls, and as such I had to hear about their crushes. Sure, I was also nice, but wasn’t that how you’re supposed to be? I may have dressed nice and did my hair, but I did this for me – not anyone else. How was this even relevant? Was I really different than other guys? The internal struggle of wondering how I felt, if it was okay to be gay, and how others saw me followed me throughout first year.

    In second year, another break through occurred as I met an amazing man, friend, and mentor – who happened to be gay. This mentor taught me that not only was it okay to be gay, but it didn’t need to be confusing. He told me that figuring out your sexual identity should be about you and requires no timeline or approval from others. Your happiness alone is the most important thing, and the opinions of others do not matter. This individual took the time to listen to my stories and perspectives and was open about his experience which I found very reassuring. I was also exposed to a significant amount of gay and bi culture during this time, and I began to think that perhaps I was bi after all. I had a great relationship at the start this year, and I joked about my sexuality with this girl, but I couldn’t quite admit to her how I felt. I wish I had.

    Fast forward to the present year, and I finally began to accept who I am. I’m lucky to have many LGBTQ+ friends and their courage and strength helped inspire me and guide me. After I became single I finally was able to force myself out my comfort zone, and I am proud to say that I have accepted who I am. It hasn’t been easy as I faced judgment from some peers, was questioned on social media, and even woke to a message stating “bi isn’t something you come out as”, but this just emphasizes the importance of sharing my story and advocating for LGBTQ+ rights. I am very fortunate to have supportive family and friends. For anyone who is currently questioning either their gender or sexual identity, I promise that it will be okay, and I wish you all the best in your journey. If you take the time to figure how you feel, and are confident, and focus on you then things will fall into place. We are lucky to attend a great school with a supportive environment. I too am here for you and am always available to talk. Thank you for reading my story, and remember – love is love!

  • LGBTQ+ Film and TV: Gems You May Have Missed Out On

    LGBTQ+ Film and TV: Gems You May Have Missed Out On

    Pariah (2011)

    Art and drama meet in this film written and directed by Dee Rees, open lesbian and certified bad-ass. Claiming the film to be semi-autobiographical, Pariah follows Alike through her slow but tremendous process of coming to terms with her queerness. We see first love, first realization, and first moments of vulnerability come to life on screen as Alike falls for Bina. But of course, what is a coming-out story without a little familial tension? Throughout Alike’s process of coming to terms with her lesbian identity and masculine appearance, her family struggles with the transformation of their loved one. If we’re being honest, the tumultuous family responses are a little hard to watch. But the acceptance that Alike has for herself in the end makes up for it. This film reflects how badly we all just want to be free.

    4th Man Out (2016)

    Not all coming-out stories are tragic, as much as Hollywood would love to have you believe that. This movie is a story about a bro coming out to his bros, and his bros worrying whether everyone can or will remain bros. Shocker: they do, but not without some struggles. The story highlights the ignorance and casual homophobia of Adam’s three (presumably straight) best friends, and how the dynamics of their group friendship suddenly shift after Adam’s hilarious and awkward coming out. In short, it isn’t so much about Adam’s gayness as much as it is about friendships and how his friends are willing to learn and grow as people along side him. It is a lighthearted, a bit cheesy, but overall a decent alternative to the all too common depressed, tormented, outcasted gay man trope.

    3 Generations (2015)

    In this film, “Ramona” reveals to his family, which consists of his mother, his openly lesbian grandmother, and his grandmother’s partner, that he is ready to begin transitioning into Ray. The four live together, and not everyone sees Ray’s transition positively. This is an important aspect to the film, as the family member who is most against Ray’s transition is his grandmother, illustrating that in the LGBTQ+ community there is internal prejudice. However, Ray’s mother supports him (to an extent). The issue is that Ray is only 16 and needs both parents to sign over their permission to his transition. So, the search for Ray’s father begins and Ray learns more about himself and his family than ever before. This film is equal parts humorous and tense; a comedy trapped inside a melodrama that will leave feeling angry, happy, and most confused. Ah, such is life.

    Princess Cyd (2017)

    To take a break from her not so great father, Cyd decides to visit her Aunt for the summer and soon finds herself infatuated with barista Katie. Although there is a queer sublot to the film, the focus is mainly on Cyd and her Aunt as they learn from each other through differences of opinion, religion, hobbies, and sexuality. What makes this film so great is how normalized Cyd’s sexuality is. There is no dramatic awakening, no traumatic coming-out process, and absolutely no shame. When Cyd casually mentions her crush to her Aunt, the brief conversation we get is a breath of fresh air. The nonchalant attitude that the characters have towards sexuality and gender is something more films should emulate.

    The L Word (TV series)

    Classic. The L Word is classic. Following the lives, loves, lusts, and lies of a group of queer folks in L.A. (mostly lesbian identified), this show gives you all the drama of any other show…minus the straight white people. Diversity is key to The L Word. There are Latinas, African-Americans, bisexuals, lesbians, transgender people, and the list goes on and on. At one point there is even a man who identifies as a man…and a lesbian. This show has it all, and it is set in a world where everyone is gay until proven straight. There’s something to love about each character (everyone except Jenny, that is) so your heart strings are constantly being pulled. There are 6 season worth of extensive sex scenes. You’re welcome.

    Queer Eye (Netflix series)

    Binge-watchable. Many readers will be familiar with the show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy which aired in the early 2000’s. Although this Netflix series is based off said show, it is not nearly as irritating, stereotypical, or cringy. There is also a focus on much larger issues than fashion. Netflix’s Queer Eye is about self-image, self-esteem, and self-respect. Viewers may be shocked to find that the show deals with a lot of social issues as well such as racism, sexism, and of course homophobia. There is a lesson to be learned in each episode that will have you rooting for The Fab 5 and the people they transform. Most of all, the show is fun. The Fab 5 are unapologetically themselves, and unashamed in their queerness. This series is a great one to pass the time, but be warned: things do get a little emotional.

     

     

     

  • Is Gender Abstract?

    Is Gender Abstract?

            Coming to the closing months of 2017, the topic of gender has become one discussed regularly. Singers, writers, actors, and anyone with a blog or Twitter have been allowing the gender spectrum to finally be allowed to step into the lime light. What exactly is gender? Does it even really exist? Or is this a concept that has expired? These questions have recently begun to nibble on the minds of more and more people. Even though gender has been discussed, written about, or heard in music, there is still very little education on this topic.

           To begin, there is a question that is still being ignored. A question as simple as “what are your pronouns?”.  As humans, we have conscious and subconscious thoughts. When meeting someone new or passing anyone on the street we consciously notice that they are tall or wearing green. Subconsciously we rack our brains and scan the person for signs of what gender we want to apply to them. Usually the only two genders we think of are male and female. The subconscious takes the conscious thoughts and tries its hardest to fit those “signs” into a gender puzzle. Playing the gender game is risky as there is little talked about the gender spectrum. There are many more gender identities than boy and girl. In fact, there is a wide wonderful range of identities and expression, this is why asking for someone’s pronouns is very important. Slowly but surely, the act of asking for pronouns when introducing yourself is becoming an everyday question, going hand in hand with asking for someone’s name.

            Somehow, asking “what are your pronouns” slipped into the category of an awkward conversation, but honestly, there’s absolutely nothing abnormal about it. For older generations, it may come as a shock and I’ve even come across people who didn’t know what a pronoun was. Immediately after a quick explanation the realization flooded their faces. Pronouns are something we are taught in school during English classes but are never really applied to real life. Through education and spreading awareness about the importance of asking for someone’s pronouns I believe the sentiment will become learned and automatic, at least there is hope.

           The greatest danger of not asking for pronouns is that it could cause someone to feel incredibly uncomfortable or upset. By assuming gender and using the pronouns he or she for someone who “looks like” a male or female can create major dysphoria (a feeling of unease or unhappiness pertaining to someone’s body, voice, and other factors that make them uncomfortable with their body), anger, and sadness. As well, there are many more pronouns then just he/him or she/her. The use of the singular they/them, and others such as ze, sie, hir, ey and so many more are used by countless people identifying under the transgender and non-binary umbrellas. All of these terms are loose and may be unknown, though the Internet is in your favour for research on these topics.

             With all of the information that is now provided and the activism that is happening all over the world, awareness is slowly being brought to the forefront regarding the LGBT+ community, especially around gender, and things are starting to change. “Millennials may be called the “gender-fluid generation” (Sophie Saint Thomas, Refinery 29). A larger percentage of the population identifies as transgender or non-binary than ever before.

             Labels and definitions aren’t usually something that people go actively seeking but as for the definitions of what is being discussed, the Webster definition of gender fluid is; “…: of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity is not fixed…”. The debate over the difference of transgender vs. non-binary is ongoing. In many cases, people believe there is really no difference as they are both umbrella terms which cover the entire spectrum. Others believe that being non-binary means “genderless” or simply out of the gender binary and transgender is when you do not identify with the gender associated around your birth sex. People like Prince, David Bowie, Steven Tyler and more current celebrities such as Ruby Rose, and Amandla Stenberg have always, and are, demonstrating androgyny and gender-fluidity in pop culture. Even with these celebrities pushing the gender spectrum into the open, the education that is given to people needs an extreme improvement.

        Education of the LGBT+ community in schools is basically non-existent, that is why young people turn to the internet for answers. Clubs like Gay Straight Alliances, Genders and Sexualities Alliance or Pride Clubs exist in some middle and high schools but usually do not receive the same amount of interest as other clubs. These GSAs try their best to educate their peers and teachers with assemblies or celebrating things like “Coming Out Day” or “Day of Silence” where they promote the actions that must be taken to end the violence and inequality for the LGBT+ community. Health talks should be openly discussing not only sexuality but also gender identity and expression. English classes should be reading novels with gender non-conforming characters or politics classes focusing on these minorities in society and the politics that surround them. By beginning to hand out this information to teenagers and young adults, we hope that our generation will be able to continue the change that is being made with larger numbers of not only people identifying with the community, but with allies too. To be an ally you do not have to be any letter of LGBT, you only have to support the community full-heartedly. Spreading education, going to pride parades, or voting for the people in power who will actually help with the issues facing the LGBT community are all examples of what you can do to help.

           Simple, everyday things you can do to start change are things like asking someone’s pronouns and giving your own when meeting someone, or correcting people if they misgender someone who goes by another pronoun. Ask questions respectfully and offer answers to those willing to listen. So, to answer the question of what gender is, it’s completely up to you. You choose who you are and what you like to wear or present as. Your identity is your own and anything is possible, there are no rules to gender. We can all make change and take strides towards equality and awareness to this loving community by simply being ourselves and taking pride in who we are.

  • A Space for Aces in the Media

    A Space for Aces in the Media

    Content warning: aphobia, sexual coercion. 

     It’s no secret that representation of the LGBTQ+ in mainstream media often varies from non-existent, or inaccurate, to problematic and damaging. While it may not seem like a huge deal in comparison to the countless other injustices the community faces, representation in the media matters. Being able to see part of one’s identity in the media can help to alleviate feelings of isolation and being different. Individuals may also more easily identify and come to terms with their orientation when they see it reflected in those they admire on screen. 

    To find their identities represented, LGBTQ+ individuals will often have to leave the pop media and go to niche comics, books, and online videos. For example, in the recent revitalization of the Archie comics, fan favourite Jughead, was recently revealed to be asexual (and likely aromantic). However, even these niche areas aren’t safe from the film industry’s erasure: during the new television adaptation of the comics, Jughead is shown to no longer be adverse to romance, and the show’s creators say that he is not asexual, despite the outcry from the asexual community.  

    While one could fill many encyclopaedias on the topic of LGBTQ+ representation in the media, I’m going to be focusing on examples of asexual representation that have stood out as particularly problematic.  

     Asexuality 101 

     Asexuality is an orientation characterized by a lack of sexual attraction that, like all sexualities, exists on a spectrum. In other words, some people identify as grey-asexual and may feel sexual attraction on rare occasions, while others identify as demisexual, cupiosexual and more. Now for chapter two on asexuality: there are many ways to experience attraction. This means that someone who is asexual may be panromantic (romantically attracted to all genders), heteroromantic, homoromantic, aromantic (no romantic attraction), or any other orientation. The final lesson on asexuality is that while a lot of individuals who are asexual aren’t interested in sex, there are also many who still physically or emotionally enjoy it and have a high libido. 

    (To learn more visit the Asexual Visibility and Education Network’s website, or stop by the Peer Support Centre in the SUB.) 

     Alright, now that the basics of asexuality are covered, let’s look a bit at how asexuality is shown in mainstream media on the rare occasion it’s there at all. Often, when there are asexual characters in shows, their sexuality is dismissed, mocked, seen as a medical condition, or invalidated through consistent pressure for sex. How about we take some time now to look at some examples of these characters on screen? 

     BBC’s Sherlock 

     One of the first examples of asexuality that people often point to in the media is Sherlock Holmes of the popular BBC show Sherlock. While many fans believe that he is asexual and aromantic, Steven Moffat, a writer and producer for the show, has said that Sherlock is not asexual and that he doesn’t date so he can stay focused on his work. Moffat then goes as far as saying that it wouldn’t be fun if he were asexual because there wouldn’t be any tension. While it may not seem like a big deal, this mentality is seen throughout the film industry making it hard for those who are asexual to receive the benefits that come with seeing your orientation represented on television, which are benefits that cisgender and heteroromantic/sexual people experience daily. Besides, if the only thing that makes a character entertaining is their degree of sexual attraction, maybe it’s time to look at adding a bit more personality into the mix. 

     House M.D. 

     Another place that asexuality has come into the limelight was on the medical drama House M.D. When two patients come into the hospital for a clinic appointment, Dr. House learns that they are asexual, and quickly sets out to prove that there is a medical reason for the couple’s orientation. By the end of the episode, House finds a tumour in the husband’s brain that is suppressing his libido (libido is often separate from sexual attraction) and learns that the wife was lying about her sex drive to make her husband happy. The main issue here is that this story implies that asexuality is a medical symptom or condition that needs to be fixed, a message frequently sent to the asexual community. This reinforces the misconception that asexuality is not natural and that there is something wrong with an asexual person. This can be emotionally damaging, isolating, and for some it can make visiting misinformed medical practitioners a more nerve-wracking experience than it already is. 

     The Big Bang Theory 

     In the TV sitcom The Big Bang Theory, Sheldon Cooper is often believed to be asexual and likely aromantic, something that is regularly used as a running joke. In later seasons, however, some darker undertones begin to emerge within his relationship. Sheldon eventually finds himself in a romantic, but non-physical relationship with a fellow scientist named Amy. For a while, it was refreshing to see an asexual, and possibly aromantic character in a relationship that worked for them. Unfortunately, as the show progressed, Amy made regular sexual advances towards Sheldon, something he regularly ignored or said he was not interested in. After several seasons of consistent pressure from Amy and Sheldon’s friends for him to sleep with her, he eventually does. While they may show this relationship in a light manner, it is important to be aware that pressure to perform sexual acts, coercion, and sexual assault in an attempt to ‘fix’ the person’s asexuality are serious problems within the asexual community. Subtle messages on shows such as this add to a culture that often views sex as being something that is an obligatory part of a relationship regardless of one’s comfort zone and preferences.  

     So What? 

     All of these examples from mainstream media are part of the reason why having asexual and aromantic characters in healthy romantic, sexual, and platonic relationships are so important. It means telling those who are struggling to come to terms with their identity that they are not broken, their identities are valid, and they are worthy of healthy and supportive relationships. When television shows and individuals shrug off the importance of having asexual characters like Jughead, that’s more than just a decision to make the character more ‘interesting’. That choice has real world consequences and perpetuates the misconceptions and dangerous ideas about asexuality that are shown in the media. I for one say it’s high time that we start demanding better representation in the media, not only for asexual individuals but for all underrepresented and marginalized groups. After all, doesn’t everyone want to see themselves reflected in the hero on the screen? 

  • Gay with a Downbeat

    Being a musician has always been a significant part of my identity. It’s how I describe myself to others and to myself, as well as how I plan to live the rest of my life. More recently, however, I’ve discovered and explored other parts of my identity, largely my sexual identity. In the last few years, I’ve become really comfortable sharing my sexual identity and truly being who I am. I have made a point of not keeping it a secret and living my life as un-apologetically as possible. As I embark on the next step of my musical training, I have started to question the professional viability of this “out-of-the-closet policy,” especially given the career path I intend to pursue as a musician – an orchestral conductor.

    Norman Lebrecht wrote in his book The Maestro Myth that “in enlightened societies where discrimination has been outlawed, concert platforms remain above the law, bastions of masculine, Caucasian supremacy.” Historically, conductors have always been older, straight, and white men. This is slowly changing, but classical music has lagged behind the progression of equality in the rest of society. More and more women have been breaking into the conducting field, and that is amazing. I haven’t even considered conducting unavailable to me because of my gender. Homosexuality and conducting, on the other hand, is almost never discussed. Homophobia and discrimination based on sexual orientation have been issues in the conducting world for a long time, and continue to be issues today. Open homosexuality has brought an end to the career of many, while being closeted has allowed success for others.

    An example of this is the conductor Dimitri Mitropoulos (1896-1960). He was wildly successful at the beginning of his career, and immensely talented. He premiered with the Berlin Philharmonic in 1930, became director of the Minneapolis Symphony Orchestra. He was there for 12 years, before gaining the coveted spot of music director of the New York Philharmonic.

    Mitropoulos did not get the success he most likely deserved in New York. As well as having issues with his musical choices, critics despised him for his homosexuality. Mitropoulos was not entirely discreet about his sexual preferences, and his preference for men was an open secret in the musical world. He was driven from the orchestra, and replaced with a man that was considered more masculine and embodying of the heterosexual image.

    Ironically enough, the man who replaced Mitropoulos was the hugely popular and successful Leonard Bernstein, who was gay himself. The difference between Bernstein and Mitropoulos? Bernstein kept his sexuality a secret from nearly everyone, and was incredibly discreet. Another successful composer/conductor who prospered despite his homosexuality was Aaron Copland. Again, he wasn’t at all “out” by today’s standards, and never commented publically on his sexuality.

    As a woman, the odds are stacked against, so is it wise to promote my sexuality if I have a desire to have a successful conducting career? Given the blatant discrimination of the past, it would seem unwise to do so. I would hate my talent and skill to be overlooked because someone else can’t get over their prejudice. After all, plenty of others have hidden who they are in order to succeed. On the other hand, my girlfriend and the family we have built together is an enormous and important part of my life. To try to hide that part of who I am, to try to hide something that means so much to me would be impossible and unfair to the person that I love so much. I also don’t think any amount of career or financial success would be worth being untrue to who I really am and who I really love. Also, if I were to succeed as an openly gay conductor, it would be so great to have that kind of representation for the LGBTQ community.

    I don’t have definite answers to these questions yet, so for now I will keep living my life and loving openly and un-apologetically. I don’t have to make this decision yet, and I hope by the time I am confronted with it, society and the musical community will have progressed far enough that it will be a choice that I don’t even have to make. I hope when the time comes I am able to make the choice that is best for my loved ones, the community, the music, and for me.

     

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